2P News Predicts $200 oil by March

CALGARY, Alberta – 2P News held a press conference yesterday morning where its co-founders boldly predicted that the price of oil will hit $200 by early March, 2015.  The prediction, based on several complex formulas and anthro-cultural algorithms developed by Darcy Flowman and Antoine McGillicuddy, help to rationalize the past years of pricing and unwaveringly point to a sharp price spike in Q1 2015.

Antoine = smart.
Antoine = Smart

We write a lot about the state of the industry and that gives us a lot of insight into how things really work.  We know that geologists and engineers only do the bare minimum in the office and thats why these drilling, development, completion, and optimization costs have gotten so high.

If we tightened our belts and sat down with our current staff we could optimize a field of 300 wells over a weekend.  Most PNG groups?  Months.

Approvals and double checks and convincing and more double checks and then after thoughts.  If you do the work and make the decision, the whole thing gets simpler.  That, and our advanced understanding of world politics, make these calculations accurate.  I promise. – Antoine speaking candidly about how smart they are at 2P News

The premise of this prediction is centered around the fundamental truth that the oil and gas industry is politically controlled.  Supply and demand notions of the past are useless now and pricing is speculative at best, controlled at worst.  By assigning a variable to each political leader, party, cause, revolution, dictator, and CEO around the globe, the algorithms Dr. Flowman developed produce a clear vision of the future right up until they don’t.

Dr. Darcy Flowman
Dr. Darcy Flowman

We assigned Harper a 6.2 largely due to his hair style and posture.  Putin got a 3.  Deng over at Bendovus got a 7, and Money Edwardo at PNRL received a 2.5 with a quad qualifier in his end for being a pompous ass.

When we plug these into our quad-quantum relationship theory and then over extend the base median values and 5th order multivariate realizations according to the G20 categorizations and the median fossil fuel consumption of cross-correlated nations, we get a price.  And that price can be historically matched for the last 10 years. We win.  The rest of the analysts can suck it. – Dr. Flowman.  Wizard of Oil & Gas

While the controversial price prediction will invariably send markets into a frenzy wondering what to do with stock and market pricing, the editors at 2P News have already stated they are maintaining their position in the service sector of the market, but are also hedging their portfolios on breakfast cereal and Kraft dinner in the event they are mistaken and the market goes for crap as predicated earlier this week by Money Edwardo.