Prentice to introduce Alberta passport regulations

EDMONTON, Alberta – A new residency program being implemented in Alberta has many wondering about the ramifications to tourism in our province.  A program being rolled out by the Alberta Progressive Conservatives, headed by none other than Jim Prentice,  will require that all residents of Alberta obtain an Alberta Residency Passport (ARP).  This passport will allow fast and easy entry in Alberta through the 67 soon-to-be-built border crossing checkpoints along the British Columbia and Saskatchewan borders.

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Julie Vonderbumm, Director

Our program was designed to keep undesirable riff raft out of Alberta.  We got rid of the rats, now it’s time to keep out the criminals and ‘ner-do-wells from BC and Saskatchewan.  Many think they can just bring their problems here to Alberta, and we don’t want that to happen anymore. – Julie Vonderbumm, APP Director

The new passports will cost $65 per resident and be renewed each year for a $40 fee, plus the photos you’ll need to have taken at each renewal.   The ARPs will allow you to cross borders quickly and efficiently, without being hassled by the newly formed Alberta Provincial Immigration Control Officers.

Non-Resident Tourists, or NRTs, will be screened on their professional background, criminal history, and many other factors. Admission to visit the province will require a $25 per person temporary Visa tax, with children under the age of 12 being admitted for $10 each.  People who are refused entry will be required to turn around, or detour though the USA or the Northwest Territories if their final destination requires travelling through Alberta.

This program is absolute junk.  One more thing the conservative can FUBAR all the way to the bank.  Are they raising funds for more private jets?  What is this all about?  Canadians are Canadians, so why the big push to limit access to Alberta?  Who cares, it smells there anyways! – Monica Fredgery, BC Coalition for a Free Canada

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Artist’s reasonably hand drawn facsimile of one of the Alberta border crossings.

The program’s expensive as well, costing nothing short of $250,000,000 over a period of 5 years while the border crossings are built and officer training is completed.  State of the art X-Ray and drug screening equipment will be purchased as well, and will require some time to install and test.

Even within the Conservative party, there are MPs who are skeptical of this program’s success, and they feel that many Albertans will simply ignore the crossing points and drive through the thousands of two track and grid roads along every border.

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Anonymous PC party member

People are going to just go around.  If they do get caught, it’s a $50 fine per vehicle, so it is actually cheaper to get caught now and again that to officially take a family of 4 through a crossing.  It make s no sense, but these leaders are out of control, and I’m not sure that Prentice is any better than Redford or Handcock.  After all, they have the same haircut. – Anonymous Conservative Leadership Hopeful

When asked whether this new Alberta Residency Passport will upset neighbours in Saskatchewan and British Columbia, Mr. Prentice kindly responded with, “The people in those provinces are not eligible to vote in Alberta provincial elections, so I don’t really care.”

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