CALGARY, Alberta – Bendovus Energy announced today that it will be installing a Jumbotron on the side of a building adjacent to its headquarters in the Beau Tower in Calgary. Its placement will allow it to be visible to the vast majority of Bendovus employees from their office windows but not to the general public.
“Jumbotron” is a generic term for very large-scale electronic screens that are used mostly in sports stadiums for close-ups and replays. The device will measure 22 x 49 meters and have a resolution of 1920 x 1080 pixels. This is identical to the screen installed in AT&T Stadium in Arlington, Texas.
Mr. Sachem Padrone, Vice-president of Employee Servitude at Bendovus, explained the company’s intent.
“All of the engineers and geologists spend most of their time staring out the window anyhow, so this is way to take advantage of that. We found that our conference rooms were just too small for many meetings and the PowerPunt presentations were often indecipherable. This way presentations will be legible and everyone can participate without leaving their own offices. We considered simply linking everyone’s computer monitor but that would be too easy to ignore. Also, to hear the audio portion of a meeting, participants will have to dial into a conference call. We have installed software to keep track of who has dialed in and whether or not the phone has been placed on Mute or the volume turned down. For further assurance that Jumbotron meetings will not be ignored, all window shades and blinds will be removed and all desks must be arranged to face the window. There’s no escape.”
Other planned uses for the Jumbotron are instructional videos, company-wide announcements and the occasional TV commercial. When not in other use, the screen will display a portrait of Bendovus CEO and Big Brother Dèng Xiǎopíng Dòngbīn. In closing, Mr. Padrone said, “We’ve already been accused of having an Orwellian mindset, but that’s ridiculous. In fact, I would characterize this accusation as crimethink.”
A Bendovus employee who asked not to be identified said,
“What in hell is Dèng thinking? This thing is going to be a total disaster. The grumbling in the building sounds like an earthquake. The only good thing that can come from this is someone will hack into the system and put up the Flames and Stampeders games.”