CALGARY, Alberta – As a run-up to this year’s Calgary Stampede, Moosepeace Beer of Hudson’s Bay recently sponsored a contest for amateur beer brewers in the oil and gas industry. Mr. Pierre Francais-Allemagne, CEO of Moosepeace, said, “As a major sponsor of Stampede, we are proud to add a new event. Who knows? Maybe one of these imbéciles has come up with something worth stealing.”
Judges for the event included Mr. Francais-Allemagne, former Alberta Premier Jim Prentice, Calgary Mayor Naheed Nenshi, Bendovus Energy CEO Dèng Xiǎopíng Dòngbīn and Freddy the Wino from down by the river in Prince’s Island Park.
The Grand Prize winner was Stoner Brewing’s Dubbelbuzz Belgian-style Saison. It was noteworthy for its high ABV (alcohol by volume) of 15% and an infusion of tetrahyrocannabinol (THC) by aging the beer in hemp-lined casks. Dubbelbuzz was the undisputed favorite of Premier Prentice and Freddy the Wino. Calgary-based Brewmaster Smokey Stoner, a landman at Cheaterson Energy, said that it took him several years to get the balance of alcohol and THC just right. He added, “I solved the ABV problem by dumping a liter of vodka in each batch and I found a hemp supplier from BC who can deliver consistent quality.”
The PistolPackers team from Bigass Oil Company of Dallas entered its Imperial Stout that has a remarkable International Bittering Unit (IBU) rating of 150. Since the scale only goes up to 120, this was indeed remarkable. Their slogan is “More hops than a Texas jackrabbit!” The judges were shown how the brew can melt the chrome off of a trailer hitch and all declined to taste it, even Freddy, and awarded the team the “Beer to Die For” trophy.
Winner of the “Dead Last” trophy was the IPA submitted by the Shale Shakers from Lint Energy of Bakersfield, California. Team leader H. R. Hufnpuff was surprised by the low opinion of the judges. He said, “Hey, I thought IPA stood for Incredibly Putrid Ale, so that’s exactly what we delivered!” The tasting notes from the judges included, “Did a skunk die and fall into the vat?” and “Golden State my ass!” Freddy added, “I’ve actually had worse, but not by much.” Mr. Hufnpuff whined, “OK, next year we’ll leave out the turnips and broccoli.”
The judging was not without other controversies, however. Tri-plex Pump’s Black Ale was disqualified when it was discovered that it was actually Molson’s with shoe polish added. In an embarrassing turn, the Bendovus team, the Mud Pumps, had to withdraw when the team leader was revealed to be a former janitor at Labatt, violating the non-professional rule.
The 2 top-rated brews will be available and indeed featured at every beer tent in the Stampede grounds during the 10-day greatest show on earth. 2P News strongly recommends getting out to the Stampede to give these craft beers a try.