Software glitch to blame for global market slump

No need to worry, a patch is on the way

NEW YORK, New York – Ithaca, NY-based Infinite Loop Inc., the company responsible for the software that runs the Shanghai Composite Index, announced this morning that its most recent update contains what it calls “programming deficiencies” that could be behind the current global economic crisis.

The main Chinese stock exchange wiped hundreds of billions of dollars of value from the market last Monday as it plummeted 8.5 per cent in early trading. This just days after Chinese stocks dropped over 15% the previous week, marking a slump that is cutting deeper than the 2009 global economic crisis.

The 8-employee software developer, which comprises exclusively Cornell University computer science and computer engineering graduates, made the shocking announcement this morning after a remote log file was automatically sent to the company’s leader during his morning coffee.

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Morgan Marr, leader at Infinite Loop Inc.

“I had heard some rumblings in the news about issues surrounding the Chinese economy, but it wasn’t until I opened the automated email sent directly from our software that runs the Shanghai Index alerting me that 3 checksums in the software were out of sorts. That’s when I gathered the team and we started to troubleshoot.” – Morgan Marr, leader

According to the company’s press release, a summer intern overlooked a few very simple checks after being tasked with making simple cosmetic changes to the code. Under strict conditions of anonymity, the programmer, Mr. Stach Overflough, spoke with 2P News’ special slumping economy correspondent Yu Mii where he admitted that he forgot to carry the 1 and somehow introduced an extra negative sign in the index calculator. These errors caused the composite index to show gains as losses and losses as gains.

Stock market analysts believe that the bugs in the code that caused mass panic in China ultimately dragged down markets in Europe and North America. Ling Lau Ding, investment broker for one of China’s largest investment firms feels much better now.

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Ling Lau Ding, investment advisor

“Leave it to round-eye computer nerd from the West to break things all the time. But I am happy now because tonight is the first time I will go to sleep in 2 or 3 months! I am very excited for the software to be fixed and for my investors to see that I make big money for them, not lose big money.” – Ling Lau Ding, investment trader

The company formally apologized to everybody on the planet on its Twitter and Facebook accounts and it posted that a patch is currently under testing and should be deployed in short order.

But until the patch is released, Infinite Loop Inc. recommends that companies, investors, and analysts use the following formula to estimate the correct value for stock prices on most of the major markets:

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