Prentice hired to help Notley build NDP cabinet

EDMONTON, Alberta – Just days after former Alberta Premier Jim Prentice announced his retirement from politics in front of tens of supporters at the PC headquarters, he is back – well sort of. Premier designate Rachel Notley has hired Mr. Prentice in a contract capacity to help her assemble her NDP cabinet.

The new cabinet, which will be prominently displayed in Mrs. Notley’s new office within a quick arm’s reach from her new desk, will hold refreshments, snacks, and even an 80” LED TV, that by default will display an image of the Premier-elect herself.

Mr. Prentice has also been hired to rearrange the furniture in his former office, refinish the rich wooden walls, polish the floor, fumigate, apply pesticide, and generally get it ready for her majesty Rachel Notley the 1st.

Mr. Prentice spent a few minutes with 2P News political correspondent Rodecker Smith just this morning, a few hours into his new job.

cabinet1
Jim Prentice, thinking

I was pleasantly surprised to receive a call from Mrs. Notley with the offer to help her build the cabinet, but it wasn’t until I got to the good ol’ Leg did I realize that she literally meant to construct an entertainment cabinet – I wish she would have been more clear. But I accepted anyhow, because being at the Leg is sure better than being at home doing nothing – ewwww, that makes me feel all liberal and stuff. – Jim Prentice, former Alberta Premier

According to a report leaked to 2P News from an anonymous source, Rachel Notley was recently overheard telling a colleague how she was disgusted by the state of her soon-to-be office. She complained that there was a bitter stench of entitlement that permeated the air and that a seemingly greasy film coated pretty much every surface in the office. Rachel determined that the film was remnants of decades of mistrust and arrogance.

When confronted about the report, Premier-elect Notley defended herself with a cheeky smile by saying,

cabinet2
Rachel Notley, minutes before a casting call for The Exorcist Part VI

Report? What report? I know nothing about what  you speak. Did I visit the Alberta Legislature to see my future office? Yes. Did I complain about anything that I saw? I don’t recall any report.

What’s important is that the NDP has formed majority government in Alberta and I need to have my office space modified to suit my needs. I figured who better than hire good o’l Preener to do the work – he somehow lost his job and he knows this office quite well. I hired him on one condition though, and that is if he builds my entertainment cabinet much the way he built his government, such that it will collapse with little notice under its own bureaucratic weight and weakened structural integrity due to unbridled corruption, then I will promptly terminate his contract. How’s that for easy math, Prentice: you + crappy work = no job (again). – Premier-elect Rachel Notley

If all goes well for Prentice’s newly incorporated Hasbeen Contractors Inc., the corporation will be hired on full time, where he will be busy doing yard work this spring. Come winter-time, he and a number of former PC MLAs will be clearing show and valet parking Notley’s 1984 Chrysler K car.

After the interview, Rodecker noticed a small sticky note left behind by Prentice. A short shopping list of items seems to indicate he definitely has designs on a future career in Alberta politics.

(Sticky note left by Prentice, possibly indicating a plan to bug Notley's office.)
(Sticky note left by Prentice, possibly indicating a plan to bug Notley’s office.)

 

2 COMMENTS