Geologists make startling discovery, CBC outraged with denial

CALGARY, Alberta – There is a universal question that most people ask when they meet a geologist. What can you tell me about dinosaurs?  Although that question is specifically paleontological, geologists are still expected to answer it.

A group of geologists with a fair understanding of paleontology has been working on locations throughout the Rocky Mountains exploring for fossil assemblages and remains in order to better understand extinction level events in our planet’s history.  None of that is out of the ordinary or particularly newsworthy.  Until the group made an unbelievable discovery in a high altitude outcrop west of Banff.

Richard Fissure.  Never stops smiling like an idiot.
Kent Worthingtonworth, P.Geo.

We were doing our usual dig, and we found brachs, ichnoids, some plant material here and there, but nothing spectacular.  Then we found what looked like English letters etched into a piece of shale.  As we dug further, we also found stone chiseled tablets full of writing that can only be described and kindergartenic scripture.  The logo that appeared over and over again was CBC. – Kent Worthingtonworth, P. Geo., AFDA (Alberta Fossil Discovery Association)

The discovery of CBC paraphernalia has confirmed the fears of many Canadians, from coast-to-coast – the CBC predates dinosaurs and for some reason has endured beyond its expected lifetime.  This has been a solid understanding since the early 1990s, but now it just seems ludicrous.  One question that experts have asked is how did the CBC survive the extinctions that seem to have plagued other life throughout geological time.

CBC tape
A demo cassette submitted by Don Cherry to Hockey Night in Canada, one of the key artifacts in the find
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Jerry Stander, AFDA President

We know that the CBC is old, but now we know just how old.  Wow.  To think that there was a shitty organization of some capacity recording events way back then is just mind blowing.  And after reviewing the tablets and findings on the site, it seems there was no noticeable improvement in either usefulness or legibility either.  Astonishingly enough, even the content was much the same.  Very opinionated, very cultural, and pretty much tells us nothing about what was going on at the time. – Jeremy Stander, AFDA President

The remnants of this find are being strongly contested by the CBC, whose senior executives were all likely present when the tablets were created in the first place.  There is a strong sentiment that the find could ruin the reputation of the CBC and take away younger viewers in favour of modern networks and media outlets.  2P News however is convinced otherwise.  We think the find and relation to the age of the CBC will generate new curiosities and give everyone a chance to admire a living fossil that in all respects should have died millions of years ago.

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