Dam Hydro! releases study damning Hydro-Electric power

DAMSHPILL New Brunswick – Hydro-Electric power plants are a staple on waterways in the developed world.  Rivers and streams, when properly blockaded with concrete and steel, form excellent, seemingly perpetual sources of energy.  But a recent study conducted by PEI-based Dam Hydro! intends to put a different spin on the old turbine of hydro electric power.

Over a 21-year study period, the group of environmental and animals rights scientists collected data on nearly every aspect of all the dam power they could, and the results are staggering.  Hydro Electric power stations will cause the Canadian Beaver to become extinct by 2018.

Gene Pool in his lab
Gene Pool in his lab

We plugged a ton of scenarios into our hydro-modeller for each set of data that we compiled, and then fed everything to a Cray we bought used on Ebay.  When we factored in breeding, mortality, diet, and environmental effects on all of those things, the results were dismal.  Dams kill beavers! – Gene Pool, lead hydrologist at Dam Hydro!

Flooding and changing waterways can create drought, and in some cases flooding.  The typical wet, swampy eco system that beavers enjoy is particularly sensitive to changes.  When a power station is created and a waterway changed, beaver habitat can be ruined all to easily.  When this happens, there is a tendency for each beaver to get anxious and angry, and occasionally hostile towards other beavers.

Hudd Pockbeg (we don't know either)
Hudd Pockbeg (we don’t know either)

We devoted the last 2 years of the study and a special team of biologists to study the interactions and behaviors of beaver before and after the dam construction.  Normal, well adjusted beavers were tagged with small, shiny pins to mark the individuals in the study.  The beavers in the study were complacent, group and community oriented before any changes were made by the erection of power  facilities.

 

This changed dramatically when the power stations were completed.  Tracked over time, most beavers show a tendency to become territorial and aggressive when their environment changes.  Beaver fights were common. – Hudd Pockbeg, junior research assistant

While not gaining much traction with the scientific community or the federal government, the study has garnered to he attention of Alberta Premier Alison Redford.  Redford has stated in a press release how she will seriously consider removing all hydro facilities in Alberta to save the beaver.

Redford, caught thinking of Beavers in a meeting
Redford, caught thinking of beavers in a meeting

I love beavers!  I love everything about beavers, and I will do what I can to stop beaver abuse!  I plan to take swift steps to close facilities endangering beavers in Alberta.  It has also been made clear to me that the removal of such facilities will further expedite the WTS Project in our province.  This will further reduce our environmental impact. – Redford, speaking outside of a Joey’s Only restaurant in Edmonton.

 

 

 

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