Fracture completions linked to rare mental disorder

DENVER, Colorado – A research team working out of the Medical & Human Development Center in Denver has released findings linking fracture completions, or fracking, to a rare mental disorder known as Craktureitis Severs Petrofocusi, or CSP.  CSP has also been called the ‘petroleum shakes’ and in certain circles, the ever unpopular ‘heavy crude itch.’

The disorder effects fewer than 1 person in 10,000 among the general population, but new findings place it in nearly 1 in 10 among oilfield workers, as well as residents in close proximity to fracking operations.

CSP patients exhibit numerous symptoms including a strange paranoia or fascination with all things related to oil and gas, as well as an annoying tendency to chatter on about things they don’t really understand involving oil and gas operations.  Patients retain full capacity of their faculties, but lose control of their ability to reason and rationalize their actions while suffering with the disease.  CSP has also been well represented in film, and was portrayed quite accurately by the character Gollum in the Lord of the Rings movie trilogy.

Dr. Rightenback, P.Chiro.
Dr. Kant Phind Shite

Gollum represented what we see all the time when evaluating CSP patients.  They are busy arguing with themselves, not making a whole lot of sense about much, if anything, and yes, they are constantly focused on something.  7 out of 10 times it is some form of ‘precious.’

With CSP, the precious is almost always an oil or gas related item, technology, or reservoir.  That’s when we started to connect the proverbial dots. – Dr. Kant Phind Shite

The brain, before (L), during (M), and after exposure to frack completions
The brain, before (L), during (M), and after CPS. Note the disturbances to the basal ganglian cortex region in the after case. And if you are currently under some chemical influence, note the angry faces staring at you.

 

The study links CSP to the electromagnetic energy released when a fracking procedure takes place.  The sonic waves emitted from breaking rock deep in the Earth radiates out at a frequency that can cause stress on the cerebellum radioatis cortex in the common sense region of the brain.  Once the damage is done, that area of the brain no longer functions, and the damage is done.

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Gary Undull, CEO

When we commissioned this study, we were looking for answers to our staffing problems.  We found that many of our staff were making poor, spontaneous, and largely uninformed decisions about day to day operations after too much time in the field.  When we correlated the exposure to the number of poor decisions being made, the answer was clear. Our staff was suffering from CSP, and it was our fault.  We fired 350 people last year and it was our fault, not theirs. – Gary Undull, CEO Bre-Oil Energy

The Global Association of Fracking Professionals plans to do its own experiments to confirm the study’s findings. If confirmed, it plans to impose strict limits of how many hours a worker can spend at a frack operation over a given period.