Duct Tape shares skyrocket after the miracle tape seals pipeline in BC

EDMONTON, Alberta – Shares in the ever popular adhesive product, duct tape, have spiked in recent days after a disastrous oil spill near Coaldale, Alberta was averted by operators who used the sticky strips to stop a pipeline failure on line 4A-2 in Finite Resources’ Flobgoblin field.

The pipeline was showing signs of slight bubbling and possible immiment failure according to the field’s operator.  While the flow rate in the pipe isn’t as high as more popular or lucrative fields nearby, the nearly 0.4 cubic meter a day flow line could definitely discolor the ground if it ruptured.

Randy Houkaloogy
Randy Houkaloogy

Well, I rolled up and saw there were a few bubbles, maybe a little smell of oil or something out there, I had a closer look and saw the little braces around the t-box fitting on the swagelok side of the Arrestor valve.  I had a swedge pin hammer with me, but not the right size of poring gauge to do the proper repair.  I grabbed my Bear Brand tape and grave her a couple good wraps.  All good now, I’m not sure I’ll even change it out until the tape starts to wear down. – Randy Houkaloogy, senior operator with Finite

With the news traveling that Bear Brand tape can effectively support a moderate volume, moderate pressure pipeline failure, sales and shares of the product have soared.  A roll of the now famous “Miracle Tape” used to sell for $10, but now prices are reaching $25 for a 25 foot roll.  $30 per roll if you want the designer colours and designs.

Interviews with Art Fickly, a corporate sales representative with Bear Brand revealed a lot about the company’s position on the news.

Art Fickly, Corporate Sales Representative with Bear Brand
Art Fickly, Corporate Sales Representative with Bear Brand

We always knew we had a superior product, but we never dreamed of a use this necessary and practical.  If we can patch and repair pipelines with our products, people can use our tapes and glues to fix almost anything.  We are already in talks with several larger industrial firms for licenses to the composition of our products.

Unfortunately as we venture into the oil and gas markets on a corporate level, we will also see our retail pricing jump to levels consistent with most other domestic products that can be associated with the industry.  Unrealistic price gouging is par for the course in oil and gas, and consumers will likely understand that as a fact of life.

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A graduate of the school of hard knocks and drill pipe, Rodecker spent his youth chasing rigs & girls in every small town across western Canada. Always searching for the truth amidst the vast oceans of lies and innuendo, Rodecker brings a zen-like peace to the 2P News offices. With a degree in Sociology, a second degree in geology with a Master in geo-engineering, he is almost overqualified for his role at 2P. Almost.

3 COMMENTS

    • Kate, Kate, Kare. Three 2″ squares of duct tape?! For a swimsuit??!!! Oh no!

      The images… they hurt my head. For what has been imagined, cannot be unimagined. I shall not sleep in peace ever again.

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