EDMONTON, Alberta – APEGA’s newly formed Engineering and Geoscience Special Weapons and Tactical (EGP-SWAT) team raided a number of downtown Edmonton oil and gas companies early yesterday morning, shortly after 09h47. The raid, which lasted for only 17 minutes, efficiently resulted in 178 arrests and 389 charges laid to APEGA members, all stemming from infractions of regulations mandated by the province’s Engineering and Geoscience Act. The EGP-SWAT team’s lead sargeant, who was interviewed shortly after the raid, had this to say:
Yup, we finally got ’em. We planted moles throughout a number of businesses in and around downtown Edmonton, and collected evidence over an 8-month period of EGP By-Law and Code of Ethics infractions, and I gotta tell ya, we saw it all.
We amassed mountains of photo, video, and audio evidence which we took to Alberta’s Court of Queen’s Bench to acquire the raid warrant. And here we are. Done like dinner. – John Doe, P.Eng.
Office workers, cleaning staff, visitors, and passersby alike witnessed an incursion of Hollywood blockbuster-like proportions. EGP-SWAT troops were mobilized from both the air and the ground during the swift attack; some were even equipped with bullet-proof Segways. One witness, who was waiting for an interview on the 27th floor lobby of the EarthBlood Resources tower, recounts the events unfolding as follows:
It was terrible, I was so scared. I was sitting in the lobby playing on my iPhone as I waited for somebody from HR to come and get me, and all of the sudden I heard a chopper close by. I figured it was just the news or traffic guys getting a closer look over downtown.
But then all of the sudden BOOM, CRASH, guys in full SWAT combat fatigues are flying in through windows on ropes, flashbangs going off everywhere, troops screaming for everybody to get down. For a second, I thought one of these guys was going to take off his face gear and I’d see Bruce Willis standing there ready to punch me. It was nuts.
J.J. Arps, a junior development geologist in the neighbouring Bendovus Energy building, recalled sitting at his desk, as 3 or 4 EGP-SWAT members stormed in and started screaming, “Put the crayons down and step away from the map! <quick pause> I SAID, PUT THE F*CKIN’ CRAYOLAS DOWN AND STEP AWAY FROM THE #%&@)!~ MAP YOU @$$HOLE!!!!“ After complying, Mr. Arps was promptly put into a choke hold, handcuffed, and then escorted to paddy wagons waiting inside the ground floor lobby next to the elevators.
According to the Mr. Arp’s arrest notes, the EGP-SWAT team took him down after they had noticed that his Professional Status diploma certificate was not in plain sight, but rather tucked behind the phone on his desk. “It was very clear that Mr. Arps didn’t understand that the diploma had to be in plain sight,” continued the arresting EGP-SWAT officer.
During a press release that was televised last night on SeeTV News, APEGA President & CEO, Miles McCannon, justified the raid by saying that his organization’s members have gone far too long using their stamps to personalize books, using the term “engineer” in their title without being a registered member, riding for free with overdue memberships, and other acts of professional misconduct.
He warned Calgary-based members to get their act together, because it is only a matter of time before his EGP-SWAT team pays them a visit.