Fairview man hospitalized after downhole packer failure

Media photo of Richard Stuckie from FaceBuuk
Media photo of Richard Stuckie from FaceBuuk

GRANDE PRAIRIE, Alberta – In a bizarre case seeming to hail from the Hollywood Hills, a lost time incident reported from an industrial shop in northern Alberta has gained fame in all of the worst ways.

37 year-old Richard Stuckie, a resident of Fairview and employee of CanPack Completions, pulled a stunt last seen on the movie American Pie, but with vastly different consequences.

Richard was apparently working in the shop, checking over some completions system for the following day’s workovers and decided he would try to fornicate with a packer assembly on the test bench.  The inflatable packer apparently went into a system failure and would not deflate, trapping Richard’s “man-pendage” inside and refusing to let go.

shop manager
Dan Hoke, trying to explain

We ran in when the damn idiot started yelling like a little sissy, but man, I’ve never seen anything like that before.  He was pulled up to that test bench like a teenage boy at the Dawson Creek chicken ranch.  Stuck like a sonofabitch too.  It’s called  a packer and it’s not for peckers. – Dan Hoke, senior shop foreman at CanPack GP.

Emergency services quickly arrived on the scene, but after two hours of trying the site had to be cleared.  No amount of work or lube would release the packer from Richard’s torso.

A crane was called in to assist with transport, and eventually Mr. Stuckie was taken by hotshot to Grande Prairie’s medical center to have the packer surgically removed.

Mechanical and project engineers were flown in from CanPack’s headquarters in Leduc to assist in removal of the failed packer unit. Due to the size of the assembly, and the weight exceeding the gurneys the hospital had on hand, the operation was done in the parking lot outside, and while police tried to dissuade onlookers and photographers, there were simply to many to handle with limited RCMP staff on hand.

coppacker
Sgt. Gerard Montfrablink

We tried to get the people out of there, but there were to many.   Once word spread that Mr. Stuckie had literally ‘stuckied’ himself in a piece of industrial equipment?  Well, I have to admit I’d probably be trying to get a picture too.  – Sgt. Gerard Montfrablink

The operation was completed with much success.  The packer had a failed bleed valve that had sealed itself against Mr. Stuckie’s leg, which in turn caused the packer to become very very stuck on his member.

Surgeons were able remove the packer with little damage to anything other than Mr. Stuckie’s ego and reputation.  Back in the shop now, rumour has it that the other staff at Canpack bought him a custom set of coveralls with the name “Pecker-Packer” stitched on the back.

4 COMMENTS

    • @ Debi: I’m surprised that you believe that this is real. Debi, the events depicted and described in this article did not happen. This is satire. (Wow)

      Thanks for commenting.