Ford’s latest sedan, the “Executive” sets benchmark for alternative fuels

GOITERS, New York – Ford Motor Company unveiled a new luxury sedan at the Canton Vehicle Expo on Thursday, stunning the crowd of 32 people and a dog.  A shock to most, Ford has entered the high end luxury sedan market to challenge the likes of BMW, Mercedes Benz, and Audi on a new level.  A sedan so pretentious only Europeans would understand it, The Executive is powered by excrement.  Yes, the Executive is going to be powered by nothing but raw, unadulterated bull shit.  The Executive will start at a bargain price of $235,000 Euros (they will not be sold in dollars, as Ford has stated it is too risky).

Dyck Stroaks in a Idaho Casino, promoting a revised version of the Escort
Dyck Stroaks in a Idaho Casino, promoting a revised version of the Escort

When the thought came to us driving past a feed lot, we were ecstatic!  With an Executive full of bull shit, how could we lose?  Pretty soon, we hope Wall Street will be full of Executives full of bull shit! – Ford A.F.T Manager Dyck Stroaks

The car is fueled by manure from local feedlots at present.  An Executive’s shit tank can be refueled by shovel or pump, into its rear annulus.  The shit is then pushed by compression motors into a small catalytic device that burns it off, turning a Flanagan Manometer Hyperglycemial capacitor, which in-turn powers the car.

None of what Ford’s development team says makes any sense, but hey, they didn’t ask for a bailout, so we’ll forgive them this once.  Eventually, one plan Blue Piece has put forward is to have communes of volunteer homeless individuals eat organic fiber foods and then relieve themselves into the trunks of cars at fuel stations from elevated platforms.  Refueling bio-friendly cars, while also making a statement to those who made them homeless to begin with.

El_Janitor
Frank Dreepowich staff badge from RSC and B

I can’t wait to shit all over one of those damn suits, man! I was a financial analyst at Radford Suchs Coche & Bolls before the crash and they leveled the place, fired everyone, and the upper echelon got huge bonuses!

 

WTF man! WTF! – Frank Dreepowitch, currently mopping floors at IHOP.

The Executive will go into production in April 2014, hitting showroom in early May 2018.  It appears The Executive will not only be late to the alternative fuel party, but will undoubtedly be released with much fanfare, only to eventually let everyone down and be sold off as Fiskers, I mean failures.

 

Testing the Executive, Ford has redacted all photos of any identifying elements.
Testing the Executive, Ford has redacted all photos of any identifying elements.

4 COMMENTS

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