Rob Ford tours Eagleford, TX oil play in search of cracking operations

HOUSTON, Texas – Texas got a little bit of Canadian culture this week as Toronto’s rock star Mayor Rob Ford visited on his way through the USA.  Ford made plans to detour his California visit in hopes of seeing a few of the oil production centres in Texas.  Apparently there was a bit of confusion when Mayor Ford showed up at a site very late at night asking shift operators and drillers to see the “cracking” operation.

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Dave Gringo, driller

He showed up just after midnight, alone, in a rental shit box from Amado rentals.  We didn’t have any coveralls that fit so Joey lent him a welder’s smock so he could come up to the rig, but he was still wearing dress shoes because nobody had PPE boots for him.

He was adamant he wanted to see the “wink wink cracking operations”.  What a dumb ass.  We asked him to leave and he lost it, threatening to get people around here fired. Frankie told him to take is toque wearing-ass back to Canadiana – Dave Gringo, driller, Second Tier Services, Austin, Texas

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A happy Mayor Ford, before being removed from the well site

According to a SeeTV News report, Rob Ford had been watching a YouTube channel devoted to stopping the oil fracture service in many regions of the continent, and he misheard what they were talking about.

He apparently had quite a storm brewed up at Toronto’s Pearson International airport trying to get people to arrange immediate flights so he could go learn about “cracking.” Some witnesses described the Mayor as fidgety and restless, with an involuntary twitch in his left eye that was synchronized with a right shoulder shrug.

He was just insistent.  Not drunk or belligerent like usual, but he was not taking no for an answer.  We had to change 4 flights, reschedule meetings and delay a Kimmel appearance just so he could get to Texas and see what this new cracking business was all about.  Odd, but hey, we just do what the boss says. – Candy Goldperm, Ford’s junior assistant

Shortly after being forcefully removed from the drilling location by 4 derrick-hands, eye witnesses reported that Ford settled down and asked for a proper explanation of fracking process and what it meant for him, considering he’s from Toronto.

After being taught a lesson by the site supervisor, Ford shrugged his shoulders, made some comments about how it didn’t effect Toronto anyway, and left in his car to go find a party in a neighbouring Grande Prairie, TX refinery where he believed there was some coking going on.