Geneticist launches canola crop that may topple Saskatchewan oil exports

SASKATOON, Saskatchewan – A recently dismissed genetic crop scientist with degrees in genetics, agricultural botany, computer engineering, and a recent MBA, has made a agricultural breakthrough that is shocking Bay Street.  The brilliant scientist was let go from Downer and Beigher for pursing a project that genetically mixilates the DNA of marijuana and canola to create a canola seed that can be crushed to produce pure, organic oil loaded with THC.

After his dismissal, Chucky Shminan moved to a small lab in his mother’s basement to continue the drudgery of work on his own.  Downer and Beigher have no rights to the intellectual property, as they released all liability and rights to Shminan (at his request) upon his termination.

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Chucky Shminan, inventor

The potential for medicinal growth here is huge.  This crop will show no signs other than a crushed oil product that can get you really high.  I expect it to produce 2 to 3 times the volume of THC than a traditional plant, with no physical variance other than the end product.

 

This can be grown in every field in Saskatchewan and no one would be the wiser unless they ate a handful.  So have at it 5-0.  Fill your boots! – Chucky, from his mom’s kitchen

Endeavoring to complete his work before Q2 2014, the science thus far has reached popular culture magazines and news media, including our 2P News offices.  Bay street investors have also stood up and taken notice of what could eclipse the Bakken oil play as Saskatchewan’s most popular export and product in coming years.

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Dwight M.

We made a boat load of money investing in printing companies and decal cutters to promote Rockin’ in the Bakken shirts and stickers for trucks.  If we lose that, now that the oil is dwindling, we need something else to latch on to to keep our investment houses above water.  Canola-C may just do that for us.  Canola is legal, as of yet.

 

So this should just be a matter of bottling and putting on the shelf at the store. – Dwight Marketshiester, CHKY and Partners, Toronto.

Mr. Shminan’s forecasts of oil exports versus his Canola-C exports support the thoughts of Bay street, as depicted by a chart prepared for 2P News by Chucky himself. It shows that the savvy investor should be thinking about dropping oil and adding Canola-C to their investment portfolios.

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Chart showing projected Saskatchewan oil exports (in black) versus Canola-C exports (red/blue)

Funded by several private firms, Cheech Marin, Tommy Chong, as well as Gaelan Weston of Loblaws fame, this product, if developed, could see huge market share and distribution.   Records gained from the FIA and scrounging through the trash have revealed a whopping $4500 has been spent so far in the product’s development and procuring donor DNA for the project.

Shipments of the finest BC DNA have yet to be intercepted on route, but police are watching Shminan’s mom’s residence for signs of possession of illegal substances. If caught, Mr. Shminan plans to downplay any possession charges to his mother’s medicial marijuana use (for which he has requested that she ask her doctor to bump up the prescription to 20lbs/week).

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