Geologist assaulted for teasing MWD staff

CALGARY, Alberta – A senior wellsite geologist has been hospitalized after a violent incident on a drilling rig in northern Alberta last night.

Ricky Rockerson was violently beaten to within an inch of his life after a Measurement While Drilling technician assaulted him with a large, heavy piece of his equipment.  The geologist was reportedly badgering the technician about his position in life when the event escalated to a full-on beat down.

Dallas Wrektruk, hard at work
Dallas Wrektruk, hard at work

I saw it from outside the shack.   It was crazy man!  The geologist was doing what they normally do, calling down the MWD hand.  ‘Movie Watching Dude’, haha, ‘Might work Downhole’, haha, ‘Maybe We Drill, Maybe We Don’t’, haha, ‘Mostly Wants Dick’, haha, and thats when Garry snapped.

He grabbed the probe he was working on and just started swinging.  Before we got in there to stop sit, Ricky was laying on the floor crying and bleeding.  Epic, but kind of sad, but mostly epic. – Dallas Wrektruk, Senior Driller with Ensign

The incident has brought forward the ugly face of industrial hazing and how it can effect job safety and possibly even lead to legal harassment charges in some instances.  Dirk Smiley, with Smiley & Waive Legal Services, is preparing for the future of harassment law suits dealing with the drilling industry and disgruntled field employees.

Dirk Smiley, with Smiley & Waive Legal Services
Dirk Smiley, with Smiley & Waive Legal Services

These men have to learn that they cannot harass their coworkers anymore, it’s just wrong and insensitive.  You can’t call people names or tell them they are useless.  You can’t yell at them, or beat them down emotionally anymore – this isn’t provincial politics we’re talking about here.

We have to support these workers and if they mess up, we need to use positive re-enforcement to get them up to snuff, not abuse them until they either learn or quit. – Dirk Smiley, P.Lawyer.

Mr. Rockerson, the assaulted geologist, has been treated and is expected to make a full physical recovery, although his pride will suffer for some time to come.  The MWD technician may face criminal charges, but police have said there are not many witnesses defending the geologist.

Some reports even go as far as to say the directional drillers wanted to stop the beating, but were laughing so hard they couldn’t get off the floor.

Kip loves his corvette!
Kip loves his corvette!

That stupid bastard should have known better than to pick on Garry like that.  He’s a big dude.  Nice enough, but you pick pick pick and it’s bound to happen.  What’s wrong with those geologists anyway?  Bunch of rock licking up down dumbasses anyways.  Always lost.  Can’t make a decision.  Almost pure idiot.  He had it coming. – Kip Ripplin, Directional Driller at Off Center Directional


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A graduate of the school of hard knocks and drill pipe, Rodecker spent his youth chasing rigs & girls in every small town across western Canada. Always searching for the truth amidst the vast oceans of lies and innuendo, Rodecker brings a zen-like peace to the 2P News offices. With a degree in Sociology, a second degree in geology with a Master in geo-engineering, he is almost overqualified for his role at 2P. Almost.

38 COMMENTS

    • I couldn’t have said it any better, Jason. Dirk Smiley sounds like a tool. Thanks for commenting on 2P News.
      – Over-n-out, Rodecker

  1. Dallas Wrektruk ( Wreck Truck), Smiley & Wave?, Off Center Directional ?, Kip Rippling with muscle? C’mon these are bad puns!

    • @ Buck. Haha, that article was written by another 2P News writer, and to be honest, even after proofreading it, I didn’t get the Kip Rippling and Wrektruk puns. So the joke’s on me, I suppose. Wow.
      – Over-n-out, Rodecker

    • @ Jolly: That’s another one that we could have used, but we didn’t know it. Thanks for commenting.
      – Over-n-out, Rodecker

  2. This is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time. Good for the rock hugger, bunch of arrogant pricks!!

    • @ Craig: Thanks for the kind words. We also think that some of the stuff on 2P News is funny, but it’s nice to hear it from somebody other than our drunk co-founders. Thanks again for commenting.
      – Over-n-out, Rodecker

  3. I want that lawyer for when I flip out at work and beat my motor hand or driller… lol its gonna happen eventually. .. lol

    • @ Jamie: Please refrain from violence, even though it is against a geologist. I know it’s difficult, nay, damn near impossible, but you can do it! Thanks for commenting.
      – Over-n-out, Rodecker

  4. hahahahahaha they were laughing so hard they didnt help the guy. hahahahaha. we need more news like this with quotes from guys that are not editied at all. halarious

    • @ Brian: Hahahahahaha…. errr… hmmm…. yeeeahhh… Brian, you know this is satire, right? I’m not saying a geologist has never been assaulted by MWD staff (we can only hope it happens often), I’m just saying that the story depicted in this article was made up by us. Thanks for commenting, man, and keep on rocking in a free world!
      – Over-n-out, Rodecker

  5. That situation was totally ridiculous and never should have happened. Geologists are here for a reason – yet they are no better than anybody. Nobody is. The MWD hand knows now he made a mistake – and wishes that he could turn back time for sure. No he did not need to turn the other cheek. There is a 24 hour hotline to call in stuff as such. Even contacting OH&S might be a good idea. Perhaps recording it on your phone as well so that there is proof. People everywhere – especially in the oil patch have to stop before they react & ask what do they really want from this situation. The patch is so ego oriented. There is still so much negativity and bullying this is so unhealthy for everybody. Everytime each lease hand, floor hand, motor hand, derrick hand, a.d. driller, TP and any service hand whatsoever utters or thinks a negative thought – that negative thought or word goes to the person it was directed to but comes back to the person who it came from collecting more like minded thoughts along the way. People wonder why shit they don’t like happens in their lives. That is why. Everything is energy, thoughts, words, actions, not just the oil & gas that we drill for! Every physical being has over 6 trillion cells in the body and each one has a memory – that is why all that crap is soooooo very unhealthy for the giver and the receiver. Action needs to be taken on this matter. Every single one of the arrogant oil patch workers who have no heart and think that they are the God of the patch, the toughest and the best – needs to realize that there is something that connects each & everyone of us in all of us. When they have something negative to say about someone, it is because there is something about themselves that they don’t like & don’t really realize. Time for each & everyone to sit, get quiet & ask WHO AM I. Work together, YES, the patch is different and a different place to work. There are drillers and the lot that are treating their hands with no respect & abusive as well. Drilling contractors and oil companies need to get into more rehabilitative types of education for these people that work in this field. Abuse still continues. It needs to stop immediately. Nobody should be treated the way that some of the people in the patch out there are treated. Take action now.

    • @ while ago derrick hand: Although we here at 2P News sincerely appreciate your compassionate commentary on anger management, safety, and the implied pecking order of rig staff, please recall that the article to which you refer is not real; it is satire. We made it up. Nobody was hurt in the writing of this article.

      I have never worked on a rig – I’ve visited a drilling rig only once, so everything that you have said doesn’t strike a big fat power chord, but only hits a single note on the high E string. Perhaps Antoine, a wellsite geologist by trade, will be able to provide more insight.

  6. I’m a MWD down in Texas. Thanks for the idea. Except I may just beat she shit out of a Directional Driller. You want pictures?

    • @ Fast Freddy: Yes, yes, yes, please send pictures. The more the better. We will update the article to include some of the details of your incident, and then we can claim that it is based on a true story. (True stories tend to do better.) Sweet. Thanks, and we can’t wait to hear about how things go for you.

  7. Maybe they need to get both of the little kids out of the field. And keep the sissy little butthurt management attorneys out of it too.

    • @ JWS: Maybe we at 2P News should amp up our satirical volume so that our readers take our content for what it is: satire.

  8. [The following comment has been edited in an effort to keep 2P News family friendly. Please note that grammar and spelling were not touched.]

    I think the MWD hand is a farting punk loser rooster sucker if you can’t take someone farting with you get a job at Taco Bell. And if you wanted to fight call him out and Handel it off the rig and he must be a kitty cat to need a tool to hit the other kitty cat with.

  9. So uh… You guys realize that without the geologist, none of you would have a job, right? Because you would know how to drill, but you wouldn’t know WHERE to drill, and you’d rack up dry holes and a bankrupt company almost immediately. However, without the drillers and righands, you wouldn’t have the expertise to reach and produce the oil. Cant forget the engineers either, we need them to design the well bore and countless other things. The point is, we’re all part of the same team trying to get more oil for our great country while making a pretty decent living doing it. The MWD guy is a huge pussy and obviously not intelligent.. When someone is busting your balls, you bust their balls back.. If youre too stupid to come up with something witty, then it sucks to be you. If you’re REALLY pissed, then take it outside and make it a fair fight, don’t hit an unarmed man with a pipe, that just proves how big of an ignorant pussy you are.

  10. I know Geos can be annoying Sometimes to MWDs & even DDs whenthey start asking for data even when the tool is still below rotary table & start poking there noses in other people business & whispering in Coman ears about what others are doing wrong etc but this is not acceptable. I did 2 hitches in fort nelson flying all the way from Australia & i only have nice things to say about everyone i met in Canada in oil field. Had a great time. Nice people. Best land rig accomodation camp ever & excellent food. I wonder if the MWD was from local & Geologist probably from QUEBEC, you know what i mean 😉

    • Hey Imran, this is satire. If this event would have really happened, I agree that it would have been unacceptable. But this is not real stuff, man.

  11. I wanted to respond as a disgruntled rig worker, just to keep the satire vs non satire battle flaring. Love the articles fellas

  12. I worked the patch for over twenty years starting in worms corner on a rig. I caught hell for a few weeks and then starting dishing it back. Ended up having a blast. Too bad the idiot had to get all butt hurt over the rock dog teasing him. What a fool! It just figures that some dork halfwit lib lawyer would have to get involved.

    • Now, now Shannon. I know where you were going there with that comment, and that’s not nice. There is absolutely nothing wrong with rig people.

  13. Hey Maggots, I’m Ricky (The Rock) Rockerson and I’ve been in an induced coma since that Macdonald’s While Drilling hand beat me around the head with his weeny like probe. I’ve got to tell you guys I’m not happy with your article or the fact you missed out how that fat blimp Garry took me from behind while I was filling out my morning report.

    I only woke up last week and found that lawyer you mentioned, Dirk Smiley, sitting by my bedside. That freaked me out man. The nurses said he’d been sitting there for two years and even cried when I finally woke up. He wants me to sue the shit out of fat Garry but also says I’ve a case against you guys and your publication for making us Rock Jocks look like mealy mouthed bullies.

    Dirk also proposed to me last night and when I said I hardly knew him he gave me a knowing little smile and I’m now wondering whether he’s been staying here overnight too?

    I’m not that way you understand but he does have away with words and when he smiles his eyes crinkle up and he looks all little boy like and vulnerable.

    So fair warning, me and my lawyer are coming after you jokers…

  14. Damn this is good, I might have to bring this story to the safety meeting. Definitely gonna start making fun of the MWD now. Too bad I’m in general not at all clever and have no comebacks, I’d probably have to resort to physical violence too instead of coming up with a witty comeback

  15. you see in the old days we would fix a rock sniffer by pissing in his sample bag….then old rock sniffer would come out of his shack still thinking he can walk on water..you see that was his first mistake..most rock sniffers have brain damage from sniffing H2S rocks..we all know what that is…But here is the secret..sooner or later he has too leave the lease..he may arrive back at his companies office with 3 or 4 thousand meters of sample shoved up his ass…and remember Alberta..some of the most stupidest useless pieces of feces come out of Calgary……

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