Laptop Computer Modified for Geologists

LOS ANGELES, California – Silicon Magic Inc. (SMI) of Palo Mino, California announced a line of specialty laptop computers designed especially for earth scientists. It is the first of what may become a series of computers modified for the needs of specific professions. Mr. Linux Coder, CEO of SMI demonstrated the device at the recent Comic-Con in San Diego.  When asked about the unusual venue, Mr. Coder replied:

Mr. Linux Coder, CEO
Mr. Linux Coder, CEO

We found there are more geologists at Comic-Con than there are at most WOOPS (World Organization of Petroleum Societies) conventions. Geologists at Comic-Con are easy to spot because they tend to wear Xena the Warrior Princess and Wonder Woman costumes. – Mr. Coder, CEO of SMI

During the presentation, he described some of the machine’s permanent and unique features:

  • No number keys or math symbols are anywhere to be found on the computer.  They serve to simply confuse geologists.
  • Help menus are extremely intuitive.  Once activated, the computer’s camera and microphone can view and attempt to interpret the geologist’s hand motions and stammering to find a quick solution to what is inevitably a stupid problem.
  • A firewall and virus scanner is also installed and functioning to avoid rock-porn incidents infecting the system.  A time limit of 6 hours had also been set in the system’s registry to keep surf time to a minimum and ensure some work actually gets done.
  • The screen and keyboard are liquid-proof, sand-proof, and shock-resistant.  Geologists are notorious for spilling coffee, beer, sand, cuttings, and even peanut butter on their keyboards.  Added to the inherent physical abuse the unit will suffer when thrown or dropped, SMI found it behooved them to make the units as tough as possible.
  • The keyboard is greatly simplified with no function keys or any of those others that no one ever uses.  Letters, a space bar and enter.  Thats all a geologist should ever need to get the basic data entered.  Further rewrites and presentation can be assigned to technical assistance staff.
  • Software can never be “upgraded.”  Upgraded is not a word found in a geological dictionary.
  • Geo-Translator function.  The computer can be set to process and render any geological input data and regurgitate it through the audio output devices in language normal people can understand.  This should shorten team meetings and ensure the rest of the world gets what geologists are talking about.

When asked about the inability to upgrade software, Mr. Coder comments it was simply too difficult to retrain geologists who for the most part ignore or can’t read instructions. He cited the example of a recent upgrade to the popular software package Digital Optimization of Rock Kinetics.

DORKS AGM at the University of Demario New Mexico
DORKS AGM at the University of Demario New Mexico

The users’ group, DORKs, reported that the new requirement to include punctuation and capitalization with text descriptions completely baffled most geologists and caused countless lost hours.

Media management staff at Silicon Magic have asked press outlets to ensure the company is not confused with Silicone Magic, a supplier of breast implants to Hollywood.  2P news has also assigned staff reporter Yu Mii to confirm reports that Apple is designing a similar system focused on engineers.  Follow 2P News for a full report.

3 COMMENTS

    • Smelly and drooling, paid cash?! There’s no question he was a geologist.

      Afterall, engineers are always well dressed and we wear the finest colognes available, so he certainly was not an engineer.

      What type of services did you offer this client?

  1. This individual was mumbling something about xenoliths and that’s why I put on the Xena costume. He was also talking about magma and forceful injection. Forceful my ass! Despite my best efforts (which are considerable) there was no eruption.