Ghomeshi sits down with 2P to discuss his new book: 50 Shades of Ghom

Yu Mii, 2P News staff reporter
Yu Mii, 2P News staff reporter

CALGARY, Alberta – In this piece, 2P News entertainment reporter, Yu Mii, sits down with Jian Ghomeshi to discuss his new book “50 Shades of Ghom” which he wrote with inspiration from his days as a journeyman rig hand working Alberta’s oilfields through the 90s before joining CBC.

YM: Soooooooooo, Jian, your name has been floating around the Web lately with rumours about your intimate escapades between the rubber sheets. There are allegations abound that you may have taken things a little too far while you were getting your freak on.  Do you care to comment?

JG: See that guy behind me in the 3-piece suit? He’s my lawyer. See the 2 big guys in black suits and sunglasses flanking him? They’re my bodyguards. Ask them, and good luck. I am here to promote my brand new book, so let’s discuss the book.

YM: Very well then, Jian. So you spent some time working oil and gas field in Alberta. How did that experience impact how you wrote 50 Shades of Ghom?

JG: Yes, indeed. Before joining CBC, I worked as a rig hand for a mid-sized drilling company. I was at the job for 7 years and I helped drill over 160 wells. While drilling wells, there were many things that I would see and hear about that aligned with my intimate interests, so I brought those 2 elements together and Voila! 50 Shades of Ghom.

YM: I don’t really understand what you’re talking about, Jian, and Sir William, Antoine, and Darcy are out back drinking, so please elaborate on how you brought your oilfield experience into the writing of this book.

JG: Well, there’s a part of the book where one of the female characters forces her date to nipple up while she POOH from his junk basket before she slip and cuts him. Shortly thereafter, he turns the tables and performs a sucker rod open hole rear entry before she loses acid in hole on a squeeze job. And then she gets the upper hand once again and pretty much punches him until he loses circulation – “Kelly Down!!!” is what she screams as he falls and knocks himself out on the bed post. It’s kinda hard to describe, Yu Mii, but everything just fits together and flows. I’d say it’s a good read even for those who don’t have an oil and gas background.

YM: Is there anything in particular that we should look out for in this, your first book, that will undoubtedly become a New York Times Bestseller in record time?

JG: Well, there’s one part in the book where the main character, Naij, applies a move that he calls The Ghomeshi (as in “she got Ghomeshied, man”) – all I can say at this point is that it involves a WWE style suplex, 2 teddy bears (one of them blindfolded), a belt, a hot pink feather boa, a turtle and some fairy dust. I’ll spare the details for the book.

YM: Well that sure sounds interesting, Jian (wow). In closing, Mr. Ghomeshi, when can we expect to see 50 Shades of Ghom to hit the shelves?

JG: Hit the shelves? Hit? That dirty talk is getting me all worked up, Yu Mii. So enough about the damn book! Have you ever been donkey punched after involuntarily holding your breath for 90 seconds while wearing a hard hat and nitrile gloves? If not, please come with me you sexy little thing.

YM: That’s it, this interview is done. (Now let’s do this!)