3 rig workers injured in tragic wildlife attack

HOPE HILLS, California – A savage wildlife attack on a drilling rig in Sonoma County, California has executives with GreenWell Energy reconsidering their new pilot project. Early estimates by fish and wildlife officials and police suggest that a minimum of 6 bears, a dozen cougars, and perhaps even a few racoons approached EcoDrill 98 and viciously attacked several of its crew members before they managed to reach the safety of the geologist shack.

The brutal licking and pawing lasted for an estimated 15 minutes before the men made it to safety.  While there were no fatalities, numerous severe bite and claw injuries have halted drilling operations while crews were hospitalized.

Delivery truck bringing supplies to the rig, also run of recycled fry oil
Delivery truck bringing supplies to the rig, also runs on recycled fry oil

GreenWell has been a fierce advocate of greener drilling practices and production.  In an effort to make its oil and gas exploration division more eco-concious, the California-based producer adopted a plan to use only recycled vegetable oil in its rig engines and generators.

That, and a combination of vegetable oil and used bacon grease as a non-toxic mud system may have contributed to the strange animal behaviour.

Gene Richoloue, CEO GreenWell
Gene Richoloue, CEO

We admit we thought the rig did smell pretty nice when we visited a week ago.  The guys were always hungry, but it’s better than burning diesel fuel you know.  And the mud system is an easy mix to get from all the fast food chains around here.

We are even setting up a deal to swap our oil for more veggie stuff for our rigs.  But with this catastrophe, I am not sure this is the right way to go unless we build massive fences around locations to keep the hungry critters out. – Gene Richoloue, CEO GreenWell

bear1
A screen grab from surveillance footage showing a brown bear chillin’ on the derrick

The project was early in its pilot stages with only 2 rigs drilling at the time of the accident.  With 4 crew members hospitalized and the others scared to come out of their dog house, it is unclear if the project can continue without added safeguards put into place.

Mitigation plans for the project moving forward include a dozen more converted rigs, as well as completion of a new facility to strain and re-boil the mud system to bring it back to original, fresh-from-the-vat condition.

Dallas Fumblecrotch, derrick hand with EcoDrill
Dallas Fumblecrotch, derrick hand with EcoDrill

If they want us to go back out on that rig they have to do something about the damn bears.  We needs guns, or fences, or something.  Maybe hire that guy from that movie about the wolves to come out and shoot them like he did in that Alaskan wilderness.  Whats his name, Liam Stallone?  Something like that. – Dallas Fumblecrotch, EcoDrill98 derrickand