Hooters acquires oil and gas company

CALGARY, Alberta – In an age where solid brand marketing can ensure a company’s success in almost any market, it should not come as a surprise to see that Hooters has undertaken one of the first monstrous mergers of 2015.  With oil trading at grievous lows and PNG stocks plummeting further everyday, it was a perfect opportunity for Hooters to make its double acquisition earlier this week.

We saw the market and the shape it was in, and if we know anything, it’s a good shape.

Gracy Brandishaw, future CEO of H.O.R.
Gracy Brandishaw, future CEO of H.O.R.

We put together a package and an investor support drive that earned us just over $250 million to complete our acquisitions.  We are poised to take over operations of both Babetex Energy and Moneyshot Resources.  We plan to merge them into a new entity, Hooters Oil Resources Inc. by early Q3 2015, and have operations completely aligned by early 2016. – Gracy Brandishaw, newly appointed CEO of H.O.R.

This blockbuster acquisition took the markets by surprise, although Babetex had been an undervalued operator since late in 2013 when several staff changed careers to work at Chestjet.  Moneyshot seemed to be doing well, but runners of a failed rear-entry program halted its stock prior to the bust in commodity pricing.

Unconfirmed reports are already coming in that more than half of Babetex and Moneyshot have resigned their position due to the merger.  There are plans already underway however to ensure that the companies are fully staffed by late Q4 when the price of oil is expected to return to economic levels.  A crowd-level staffing drive has been planned for the pub and bar scene downtown Calgary along Stephen Avenue in early June, as well as a newly renovated interview room adjacent to the Hooters Restaurant in the NE.

While it seems like a stretch to think a restaurant organization could effectively run an oil company, some analysts think the merger will breathe new life into the industry.

Randy loves his breakfast.  And Hooters.  He loves Hooters!
Randy loves his breakfast. And Hooters. He loves Hooters!

Think about it.  Everyone wearing orange that’s 3 sizes to small, men and women alike wearing tight 70’s style shorts and belly shirts, all working towards the same goal of providing the world with a service it wants at a price it can afford.  Men and women talking about things they really don’t know about just for the sake of conversation.

Engineers trying to impress everyone with big words, and geologists staring blankly into space, while managers play Clash of Clans thinking nobody notices.  Whats so different from a Hooters pub to an oil and gas office?  Nothing. – Randy Rettsmith, oilman and trucker