Polar ice water the future of frac fluids

CALGARY, Alberta – IceAge Energy, an oil and gas technologies firm based in Red Deer, AB has announced the findings of a 14-month study on source water quality and the relationship to fracture completion effectiveness.

The firm, headed by hydrogeologist Pan Tswetter, has been studying the use of varying qualities of water in fracture completions and how they effect the reservoir.  It would appear that the Ph.D. from Sweden recently made a significant discovery.

CEO & Chief Hydrogeologist Pan Tswetter, seen in the company's vault
CEO & Chief Hydrogeologist Pan Tswetter, seen in the company’s vault

We found that in 98% of the wells studied, fresher, pure source water had a positive effect on production outcome.  We still don’t know why, but this obvious moves us to our next stage of the project.  Harvesting Arctic ice with our recently completed Polar Harvester ship.

The Polar Harvester is a ship roughly twice the size of the largest cruise ship on Earth.  It is designed to be controlled remotely from Calgary, and it is equipped with a very large, snow blower-like attachment on its bow.  The harvesting device spins and twirls against polar ice sheets and harvests the ice, which then feeds into large boilers where it is melted and brought back for use as pristine frac water.

This way, there can be no one complaining about ground water contamination by water-based fracture completions, as the water used in them is now cleaner than anything they already drink.

This technology would allow us to avert law suits and incidental damages from people claiming our fracture completions hurt their water supply.  If anything we are providing cleaner water for the masses in those areas.  They should be paying us in fact!  How about that, whiners paying us for our frac water.  I like that.   Darci, write that down honey. – Pan Tswetter, CEO and COO of IceAge Energy

Obviously, there are many opponents to this venture.  Green Peace’s chief polar advocate, Scotty Jakebson, claims this does nothing but further the destruction and shrinkage of our precious polar ice caps.

Scotty Jakebson, clearly appalled at the idea
Scotty Jakebson, clearly appalled at the idea

So they are going to try and intentionally harvest the damn ice now?  Bad enough it was melting in half already due to fossil fuels and global warming.  What are they going to do when the ice is all gone and they can’t frac anymore?  Go down to the amazon and drain all the untouched swamps and rivers for fresher water?

This gets worse by the day. I’d rather have them frac wells and wreck ground water,  At least then we could bottle polar water and ship it to the effected regions.

2 COMMENTS

  1. So IceAge Energy has two CEOs? I hope they get along. Reminds me of when twin brothers hired me to…never mind.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

5 + 12 =