Alberta responds swiftly to Kinder Morgan court decision

EDMONTON, Alberta – In a surprising and unheralded move this morning, the Alberta Government has taken drastic steps to respond to the Federal Court of Appeal’s decision to strike down the permit to build the Trans Mountain expansion, further prolonging the Kinder Morgan pipeline process.

In response to the court’s recent decision, the province of Alberta has recently deployed 17 wildfire response bombers to begin dropping crude oil, instead of water, on British Columbia’s ongoing wildfires, exacerbating the worst wildfire season on record for the western-most province.

The punitive action is being taken against British Columbia for yet again getting in the way of progress for the pipeline’s expansion planned from Edmonton, AB to Burnaby, BC.

In a statement released through the Office of Alberta’s Premier, it is unclear exactly which individual, or group of individuals, or department is responsible for the new bomber assignments. But it admitted that the decision was not made on the whim of an intern or unqualified electoral candidate.

KLETTY NAMIGHUJK

“Well I never thought this NDP would have the stones, but I suppose Notley kept them hidden well enough. I just hope this sets an example of how useless these policies have made Canada’s natural resources.  It’s a waste, but at least we get a good warm fire going!” – Kletty Namighujk, Sylvan Lake resident

The move has tactically assigned the fire-fighting planes with dropping large volumes of crude oil and bitumen on the regions currently under wildfire management in the province of British Columbia.

How Premier Notley expects to see John Horgan and his pals playing golf in Invermere.

Part of the crude oil is to be sourced from the tailing ponds of Ft. McMurray oil sands processing plants, which also helps reduce the operating costs and environmental liabilities for Alberta regional oil sands producers.

A source very close to those in the know at the Alberta Legislature leaked a memo to 2P News that read, “… we are already paying for a pipeline spill that hasn’t even happened, so let’s give them a spill, but one from the air! Let’s call it ‘Operation: Get out of our kitchen!’ or ‘Operation: Hey BC, it’s raining oil!”

This indicates that the instructions came from an individual or individuals who are fed up of the constant, tiring, blathering rhetoric and delays directed towards approved energy projects in Canada.