CALGARY, Alberta – In a development that sent massive shock waves rumbling through the oil and gas industry worldwide, Bendovus petroleum engineer Gunther Scruloose announced his engagement to Enkarma staff geologist Heidi Hoe. Mr. Scruloose proudly stated that he is willing to live in total disgrace and expects to be excommunicated by his fellow engineers. He added, “I don’t care what the other engineers think. Heidi is worth it. She promised me that after we’re married she’ll even consider having sex with me.”
After hearing of this statement by Mr. Scruloose, World Organization of Petroleum Societies (WOOPS) spokesman Draco Slytherin responded,
“We will seek a legal opinion from the Crown Prosecutors in Calgary regarding whether or not this would be a crime against nature. Well, at least they’re of opposite genders. We think.” He went on to say, “I understand that they met at a WOOPS conference, so the organization feels an obligation to assure that the best interests of all parties are served, but especially ours.” – Mr. Draco Slytherin, WOOPS
University of Calgary geneticist and part-time fry cook Dr. Berg R. King was asked by WOOPS to comment on the possible physical outcomes of such a union. He pontificated,
“It’s theoretically conceivable that the two can breed despite the obvious difference in species. However, the consequences of the differences to any offspring are often unpredictable. To illustrate with an analogy, breeding a horse (Equus caballus) with a donkey (Equus africanus asinus) to produce a mule will work, but the mule is sterile and cantankerous, often winding up in middle management. The engineer (Homo exacticus) and the geologist (Homo moronicus) would probably produce an offspring who can solve quadratic equations but then has no idea what they mean. Of course, any cross-breeding involving a landman (Homo homo) is scientifically quite impossible. The DNA is only 72% compatible, not nearly enough to be viable.” – Dr. Berg R. King, UofC
Executives at Bendovus and Enkarma are hesitant to comment for fear of violating human rights regulations. However, Mr. Fyrum Aull, Bendovus vice-president of Human Resources, stated, “In order to violate human rights laws, the affected parties have to be human. Remember, we’re talking about an engineer and a geologist.”
Also of concern is the possibility of divulging proprietary information, however inadvertent. But, Mr. Scruloose and Ms. Hoe have stated for the record that the normal professional barriers preventing communication between engineers and geologists will remain in place.