CALGARY, Alberta – It is only every now and again that a university student invents something so creative, that he or she wins top honours for a 4th year geology thesis project.
Meet Richard Anderson. His 4th year project culminated in a miniature coring machine used to take core samples of remote and hard to reach outcrops in southern Alberta and east central British Columbia. Many of the samples taken in the area had to accessed by rope and tether. While the project went very well, Richard himself went a little off the rails once he began drinking Heineken.
Yeah, I worked with Dick for a few years on some other projects while he completed his undergrad. He was always an excitable guy, but he went nuts with that damn Mini-Core. He won’t stop, even when he’s wrecking things. He cored my couch the other day after a few good hits on the bagpipes, he’s out of control. – Marty Garrigan, professor at the University of Calgary
It seems that after the project wrapped up, Mr. Anderson kept the Mini-Core that he had designed and began to test all kinds of things. Pizza, burgers, fences, sidewalks, cakes, buildings, computers, desks, floors, cars, and even the occasional rock sample.
He quickly became so destructive he was questioned by police. None of the people who knew Richard would press charges of course, so he was released after a few days in lockup. While no total dollar amount has been tallied for the damage, he did core the engine bay of a Corvette downtown on Stephen Avenue one night after drinks at Mojos Tavern.
He was a little tipsy, but most are when they leave here. He took this thing out of his backpack, jammed a battery into it and headed straight for this really sexy red car. He climbed on top and yelled something about seeing how gneiss it was and started drilling into the hood. A few of his friends knocked him off the car with one of our sandwich board signs and they took off. He got a good chunk of the car though, there was oil and everything leaking out underneath it. – Jeanna Rubisora, server
Mr. Anderson has had his Mini-Core machine taken away until further notice by the Dean of the university. He will be attending sessions with a geological therapist for 6-8 months to assess if he is a danger to himself, solid objects, or rocks.