Neil Young secretly plans hostile oilsands takeover

EDMONTON, Alberta – Neil Young has made headlines around the world in recent days, bad mouthing the Alberta oil sands, slagging the people it supports, and in some media arenas, even using the First Nations of our country to gain publicity and to sell tickets.  Although this might appear to be par for the course behaviour for musical artists and other entertainers these days,  2P has learned of an even more devious and dreadful plan by the Young Judas.  His master plan is to campaign so efficiently, that he can drop the share price of several major oil sands operators, and then buy them out with ticket sales from his protest concert, setting himself up as the heavy oil magnate of the 21st century.

Rodecker Smith, 2P News Journalist
Rodecker Smith

We came across documents detailing money in and out of his organization.  All of which was fishy, and encompassed some huge dollar figures that made no sense for a washed up artist like Young.  He was either dealing drugs or dealing petroleum commodities, and it doesn’t seem to have been drugs – Rodecker Smith, 2P News

The plan was discovered as 2P reporters were researching more about the money trail and financing Young has been using to travel around the country and spread his lies about the economic lubricant of Alberta – its oil sands. In a combination of Ponzy scheme, con-artistry, and simple truth manipulation, he has placed himself in a prime position to accomplish his goal.

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Neil Young with Chief Big Chief, discussing how evil and down-right terrible oil sands development is

Using money from donations, mercy funds, and environmental lobby groups, Young and a few unnamed associates then spun the funds out under the guise of helping smaller communities in oil sands regions. All the while, Young bank-rolled hedge funds markets and brokers to apply negative pressure on the share price of operating companies in the markets, thereby positioning Young very well in a buyout position by Q2 2014.

We have been watching this absurd performance and wondered where it was headed, but this is ludicrous.  He actually wants to own the oil sands, not tear it all down?  What a hypocrite! We are going to dig deep into this and reveal him for the liar and fraud he is! – Dick Greenthorp, Chief Reservoir Engineer, Shall Oil Energy Fund

While the Alberta government has no comment on the matter, federal regulators are now watching the protest and publicity trail closely to ensure that no market laws or regulations are being bent or broken. Regulators have mentioned in passing that they found it suspicious that Young’s entourage comprises only market brokers and accountants instead of groupies and drug addicts.

As the authorities and some major PNG operators have now kicked off their own investigations, it should be only a matter of time before this has-been hack of a hippy is figuratively put out to pasture along with his lies and innuendo.