Nuclear-Powered Brassiere Explodes During Seismic Survey

Dr. Underwyer testing a second prototype design nuclear bra
A test subject evaluating an early prototype nuclear bra

CALGARY, Alberta – Details of a horrible accident that occurred during a seismic survey in the Canadian Rockies near Banff came to light this morning. Ms. Gynica Buldycke was injured when a nuclear-powered brassiere she was wearing exploded. The bra was being used to run a number of data recorders and a refrigerator containing the crew’s Moosepeace Beer.

The device was developed by Sapphic Industries of Paradise Island, a company that hires only women in an effort to bring more females into technical fields. Sapphic created a miniaturized version of the plutonium-powered generator used in many spacecraft. After much discussion the generator was built into a brassiere to force customers to hire women if they wanted to use the device.

Dr. Lacy Underwyer, chief project scientist, said,

Nancy Charmer
Dr. Underwyer (we’re not sure either)

Since I’m as flat as Saskatchewan, I was a natural to test the power generator in a laboratory setting. This was because there was plenty of room for instrumentation in the prototype bra. There were a few glitches, but nothing like this ever happened. – Dr. Underwyer

Ms. Buldycke was selected to field test the device in a harsh environment. P-Wipt Geophysical Surveys asked to try out the generator in the Rockies where it’s difficult to move equipment around, especially conventional generators. Ms. Buldycke joined the seismic crew to conduct the first “real-world” test of the device.

According to the accident report that was filed with the AER, Ms. Buldycke started to complain about excessively high body temperature, while others in the group felt comfortable in the 5C ambient air. All of a sudden, her upper chest area appeared to expand, quickly shrink, and then explode violently sending super-heated mini plutonium rods outwardly, narrowly missing the group’s leader, Mr. Rhomas Pickletin.

Rhomas Pickletin's dad with an early prototype design. The team figured it was too large to fit in a bra.
Rhomas Pickletin’s old man with an early prototype design. After months of analysis, the team figured it was too large to fit in a bra.

Pickletin, the President and CEO for P-Wipt Geophysical, expressed his heartfelt condolences to Ms. Buldycke for damages that occurred while the equipment was under contract with his company.

Dr. Underwyer added, “We thought it might have a meltdown, but explode? Never!”

Rhomas Pickletin, a man of very few words, but an insatiable penchant for brassieres and other ladies’ under garments, only wanted to support the initiative because it would promote women in technical fields. Moreover, it was later learned that it would give him hands-on access to a bra that housed a nuclear reactor – a combination that he had only dreamed about before working with Sapphic Industries.

From her hospital bed Ms. Buldycke said, “God, this hurts like a son-ova-gun!”

SHARE
Previous articleCRTC forces 2P News to cutback outrageous content
Next articleHouston-based company believes it can achieve 90% oil recovery
Sir William Shortspeare, hereditary lord of Bentknee Manor in Slopshire, has over forty years’ experience at being a devout prig. Staying one step ahead of the nancy boys at Clovenhoof College, he graduated with a degree in Nothing Special. Thus eminently qualified, he joined British Petroleum and was immediately posted to Houston. After enduring one summer of Texas heat, he spent the remainder of his career demanding a transfer. Now retired, he casts a jaundiced eye on the petroleum industry from Southern California and reports his findings to 2P News.

1 COMMENT

  1. Brassieres? I never wear one. I believe in “truth in advertising” and “what you see is what you get”.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

1 × one =