Office Odor Problems Solved with New Technology

Prototype Fart-O-Matic 500

CALGARY, Alberta – SweetSent Industries of Skankway, Saskatchewan introduced a new device for homes and business offices that will eliminate lingering flatulence and other disagreeable body odors.  The Fart-O-Matic 500™ is guaranteed to handle all manner of flatulence from a tiny squeak to a massive blaster and even the notorious SBD (Silent but Deadly).  SweetSent’s approach to the problem is to filter and neutralize the offensive smells from the air rather than masking them with a perfume.  The device is about the size of a small filing cabinet and can be configured with replaceable panels to match many furniture styles.

Mr. F. Art Schmellar
Mr. F. Art Schmellar

F. Art Schmellar, marketing director for SweetSent, said that their research shows that the odor problem is most acute in oil and gas company offices.  In fact, the final field testing of the Fart-O-Matic 500™ was carried out at Bendovus Energy in Calgary.  He exclaimed,

“The landmen and geologists must eat roadkill skunks for breakfast followed with onion & garlic burritos and Moosepeace beer for lunch.  Talk about an acid test!  But, I’m proud to say the Fart-O-Matic 500™ performed magnificently.  The engineers, though, provided a major challenge to the body odor function.  Those guys haven’t changed shirts or underwear since college.”

Director of Research Dr. M. N. Nation described the key design elements of the Fart-O-Matic 500™ that make it so effective:

  • Activated charcoal air filter.
  • Negative ion generator.
  • Platinum-palladium catalyst to break down sulfides and NOX.
  • Large air inlet at waist-level with noise-cancelling technology licensed from Bose.
  • Proximity sensor that increases fan speed when a person approaches the inlet.

He said, “The Fart-O-Matic 500™ will normally clear the air in a standard-sized office in about three minutes.  If a person is having an episode of heavy flatulence, we recommend backing your butt up to the fan inlet so the gas can be processed immediately.  That’s why we included the proximity sensor.”  An optional remote control is available.

He added that a deluxe version of the Fart-O-Matic 500™ will soon be available with Hyper-Ventilate technology that will sanitize an over-sized executive office in one minute or less.  Further down the road the company hopes to develop and install systems to cleanse and de-odorize entire buildings, even the most challenging men’s rooms.

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The Honorable Antoine McGuilicuddy is a 2P News co-founder. Studying geology was just the tip of the iceberg for this iconic oil and gas dynamo. Frustrated with the idiocy and general stupidity of most of his peers, he transitioned into 2P with smile, and hasn't looked back since.

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