LOS ALAMOS, New Mexico – A newly formed company, Fishin Technologies, based in Los Alamos, New Mexico, has announced plans to use surplus U. S. Army Special Atomic Demolition Munitions (SADMs) to stimulate production from low porosity/low permeability oil reservoirs. This is in lieu of the usual hydraulic stimulation, the process also known to nutcases and hysterics as fracking.
SADMs were developed during the Cold War as man-portable low-yield nuclear explosive devices to be used in tactical situations in contrast to the far more powerful strategic warheads carried by bombers and missiles. At a press conference, Dr. Ray D. Aishun, CEO of Fishin, said,
“With the SALT treaties greatly reducing the number of warheads allowed, the U. S. Army had a bunch of these SADMs to get rid of. Back in 1969 the idea of using an underground nuclear explosion to stimulate natural gas production was tested by Project Rulison and Project Gasbuggy in Colorado. It worked but the fear of lingering radioactivity in the gas made it unmarketable.
“I had the idea to revisit this concept. I hired a public relations company to test public acceptance of detonating atomic munitions deep underground in the U. S. for oil production. What they found through extensive polling was if we called the SADMs just really big firecrackers that we could do just about anything as long as it wasn’t called fracking.
“The Army loved the idea. They could get rid of the SADMs without having to pay to dismantle them, plus we promised them a 3% overriding royalty interest in the oil production. They will retain full control of the devices right up to detonation, so security is not an issue. Moreover, since this is a commercial use, we wouldn’t be violating the Nuclear Test Ban Treaty either. The International Atomic Energy Agency has not raised any objections.
“We still faced the problem with radioactivity from the stimulation explosions contaminating the oil, but there turned out to be a simple solution. Our plan is to sell the oil at a discount to Ukraine. Those folks already glow in the dark from the Chernobyl reactor meltdown, so a few more roentgens won’t make much difference and they’ll be less dependent on Russia for fuel. To transport the oil, a fleet of lead-lined rail cars and tankers is being built in South Korea.”
Dr. Aishun closed his presentation by saying, “This is a win-win situation for everyone! The Moosepeace is on me!”