WHITE CITY, Saskatchewan – Just in time for the busy summer travel season, 4 retired Oil and Gas big-wigs have opened a brand new amusement park just east of Regina in the thriving metropolis known as White City, SK.
The brand new attraction, aptly named Oil World, is themed after the industry that made its 4 owners collectively worth over US$3.4B. For the kids (because it’s all about the kids), Oil World will feature a cuddly new mascot named Crudey – a wobbly and clumsy oil droplet who hands out Crude Oil Goop™ candy to the little ones and routinely shouts out “Welcome to Oil World.”
The theme park’s principal owner, Dr. Dirk McUrk, describes the genesis for the idea.
Well, I gotta tell y’all… while reading ProvedPlusProbable.com last spring, I stumbled upon an article about a drilling incident in North Dakota where some roughneck got caught up on a top-drive and was twirled down the rig by his arm. I laughed. Those 2P guys wrote something funny about that and I thought, what the heck, there’s some money to be made here if people are willing to pay for that sort of thing. We kicked the owners of 2P a 3.5% royalty on ticket sales to the Rotator and Frac-A-Mole for their ingenuity and to avoid any bad publicity for our park. So here we are. – Dr. Dirk McUrk, P.Geo., partner
According to promotional literature released by the park’s Director of Press Releases, the park is built by oil and gas people, for oil and gas people, although the establishment will take money from everybody. The brochure colourfully describes a number of its key attractions and rides, which include the following:
The Roughneck Rotator: In this 18+ ride, the rider’s arm is secured to a rotating assembly in a mock top-drive drilling rig setup. The rider is then rotated to the ground so quickly that her feet are pretty much level with her head on the way down to the rig floor. A bonus ride is awarded if the rider’s shoes fly off the rig.
- Frac-a-Mole: This crowd favourite is similar to the very popular Whack-a-Mole attraction, but instead of using a padded mallet to whack a mole in the head, the players use a water pump (that looks like a pumper truck) to pump up the deck of the game to see who can first exceed formation parting pressure, resulting in the mole shooting off into the air followed by water (and sand, for dramatic effect).
- The Haunted Doghouse: Although most drilling rig dog houses are scary, there’s nothing like Oil World’s Haunted Dog House™. The park’s management will not publicly reveal exactly what makes this dog house haunted, but they guarantee that after passing through it, you will considering leaving the industry all together.
- Shale Shaker Awaker: Riders must attempt to tightrope across a 2’x10′ plank set across a Shale Shaker filled with drilling mud and skiffs of crude oil. Blind-folded, the rider must make it to the other side as the shaker is cranked up on high. Riders who make it are refunded their park admission fee plus 50%.
- The Pig Shoot: This multi-player game stacks 4 people against one another. The game is setup with 4 equal lengths of 3″ pipe, open at the far end, and a mouthpiece connected to the closed end where the players stand. The winner of the game is the one who can blow the pig out of the open end the fastest.
- The Pumpjack Bronco: Oil World management expect this ride to be particularly popular during the 10 days of the Calgary Stampede. Riders are strapped to the walking beam a Mufkin 640 Pump Jack such that they hang onto the handles on the horsehead. The specially equipped 640 is cranked up to a mind-boggling 60 SPM, as the rider hangs on for dear life.
Thus far feedback for Oil World has been largely positive. The Williston family, who visited all the way from Winnipeg, MB, describe a day spent at the park last week.
This place is way better than anything we have in Manitoba, and I don’t think anyone in Ontario is creative enough to dream up a place as special as Oil World. Those guys in Alberta sure know how to make people happy! And the fact they chose White City as a location is awesome. A short 7 hour drive with my wife and 5 kids and I’ve got a Wildrose Beer in my hand watching the kids ride that damn Pumpjack Bronco. All the while my wife’s winning game after game at the Pig Shoot. 3″ pipe is for amateurs! What could be better.