HARDISTY, Alberta – We welcome our loyal readers to the 2014 Oilympics update for Monday February 10th. For those of you who have not been glued to your television sets over the weekend, we will recap the highlights of the initial few days of the 2014 Oilympics being held in Hardisty, Alberta.
Friday’s Oilympic Opening Ceremonies went off without a hitch. Clark Rodgeun led the flatbed parade through the center of town, while Jerry Marsh and Flin Gyunim tossed treats and some snowballs from the back of a lowboy rented from Dog Rentals. A small train of heavy equipment and some fleet vehicles followed the parade for some free advertising. Once the parade was over, all of the athletes were taken to the front of the Hardisty Hotel for a quick overview of procedures and rules before the games began.
The first event to take place after the orientation was the Bit Curl. Taking over the curling rink, teams from 12 different rigs were ferociously sliding used tri-cone drill bits down the ice in an attempt to arrange them in a scoring fashion on the opposite end. Jack French and his team from Ensigm Services placed 3rd in the overall standing with 3 bits to an end, while Jerry Tik with Team Precision Drilling won a silver medal from his effort with a spin bit and 2 second runs. Leading the pack was Roy Jones and the amazing team from AeroDrill, earning a gold medal in the Bit Curl this year.
We tried real hard to knock those bastards off the rails and get our bits in the hole, but they fought hard. We got lucky in the second period when Garfiled lost that bit in the snow, but it only lasted for about 20 minutes until the dog found it.
We kept fightin’ and fightin’ but couldn’t keep up to those damn AeroDrill guys, it looked like those guys curled for real. They were damn good. – Iris Fenfar
Truck skiing began just after 6pm in the field behind old man Ruckers farm. Only 3 teams signed up for this event, which guaranteed each one of them a medal standing. Rocochet Energy Services’ own Jason Marshall grabbed gold with an incredible spin move off the old fence at the edge of the grid. Following close behind in points, and after narrowly avoiding the barn on the Jenkins property when the truck spun out, Kale Rigby stole the silver medal in what can only be called a “lucky hit” backflip off a culvert, edging out Kim Jerut, who was awarded a bronze for no other reason than the truck went too damn slow as he was in tow on his toboggan.
All things considered, the Truck Skiing went well. All competitors had a great showing, and while even the careful driving of the SloPump team’s truck dropped their score, everyone got a medal. And that is what’s important here. Everyone wins at the Oilympics, has loads of fun to boot, and we ain’t got no problem with no LGBTQs. – Antoine McGuilicuddy, 2P Sports
Stay tuned for a recap of today’s events, the Hungry Hungy Landman and the Coyote Biathalon.
And in other news:
- Landman Lands Landman, Land Mann, at annual Landman Convention