CALGARY, Alberta – A team of scientists and inventors may have discovered the be all and end all of the fracking debate.
After reading about a research study at CERN, Leonard Jakollu and Rease Critchings set out on a mission impossible – to use science fiction, and a little bit of ingenuity to solve the fracking debate, and make fracking safe for everyone, everywhere.
The CERN study demonstrated that through intense scrutiny of quantum electro-dynamical reactions, fracking was damaging not only Earth, but also planetary structures within the far reaches of the infinite number of alternate universes that exist as defined by M-Theory.
This theory tied quantum mechanics to fracture effects and got Jakollu and Critchings thinking about ways to use the data to improve fracture completion efficiency and safety. They assembled a team and began to pursue OQMF completions.
We had to find people we could trust, and I mean really trust. This was going to be so big we had to trust everyone involved. We even made people sleep over at my mom’s house so they couldn’t Facebook without us knowing.
When we had everyone here, the work got intense, and it was a struggle. But I think we nailed it. We have the future in my garage. – Rease Critchings Ph.D., BA (HONS) 1st Class, PQE BIPP, PGCE, MA
Organic Quantum Micro Fracture (OQMF) completions use organic corn hulls, organic olive oil, and naturally sourced organic gas (cow farts) combined with laser oriented Forced-Particle Spectrum Resonance to create channels and other high permeability streaks throughout oil and gas reservoirs.
The new process may not sound that new, but it is. The use of FPSR to accelerate the naturally sourced Methane-Corn-Olive Oil mix creates an unbelievably simple and inexpensive fracture concoction that is totally safe. Normally, the mixture would be pumped by heavy trucks hauling massive pumps. At a certain pressure dictated by rock mechanics, the tight rock structure fails and pressure decreases while fractures propagate outwards.
FPSR, however, uses lightwave nuance physics and quantum mechanics that even Darcy Flowman can’t understand. It accelerates the mixture’s atomic particles at rates faster than the principle materials in the mixture’s matter can move, displacing the fluid throughout the entire reservoir instantly, very similar to how the transporters work on Star Trek.
When the FPSR Inducer is shut off at surface, the corn re-matterfies in the microporosity, shattering the rock in the process.
Our system is groundbreaking. Literally. We want to test it but we have to find an area of very little previous exploration. We think there is a good chance that use of our OQMF procedure may have an effective range of over 1000 miles, and reach from the basement all the way to surface. We need a remote area to test, but if it works, we can frac the entire continental USA top to bottom inside of 3 months. And there is no pollution aside from a little Italian olive oil and some corn fibers in drinking water. – Leonard Jakollu
Although the technology is still in its theoretical stages, P&G operators around the world have accepted invitations to the research group’s news conference scheduled for June 23, 2014 in Calgary.
The group has reserved a small venue on Stephen Avenue for the talks, and hopes that suitors for the technology show up with briefcases of money.