Reservoir engineer perfects sweep efficiency

CALGARY, Alberta – Last Saturday night was a night that Jeremy Ronner would like to forget. The intermediate reservoir engineer with Writedown Resources was at his company’s 100-BOEPD party at a downtown Calgary venue when he lost control of his bladder.

In front of his friends, Mr. Ronner emptied the contents of his bladder while standing at the bar ordering another round of strawberry daiquiris. He describes the incident to 2P in detail:

Jeremy Ronner, Pee. Eng.
Jeremy Ronner, Pee. Eng.

What can I say? One second I’m bobbing my head to some Air Supply and the next second I feel a very distinct warm flow down the front of my trousers.  Looking down at parts of my light grey cordoroys gradually turning dark grey, it was obvious there I had a serious problem – the sweep efficiency of the flood front was non-optimal and I knew all my peers were going to laugh at me.

I had some serious work to do. – Jeremy Ronner, reservoir engineer

According to his friends and colleagues, shortly after the episode Mr. Ronner was found in the establishment’s bathroom crying, writing on his crotch with a sharpie, and mumbling  phrases such as viscous fingering, fracture permeability, capillary pressure, pattern flood, and gravitational effects. For weeks after the incident, his colleagues could only describe Ronner as crestfallen and sad.  At one point they almost had WriteDown’s staff psychologist stage an intervention.

Dr. Andro Gyny
Dr. Andro Gyny

I feel really bad for him because he’s pretty torn up over not peeing his pants the right way. Personally, I don’t think there is a correct way to do that because that’s not a really acceptable thing to do. Jeremy, like most of the Iron Ring guys around here, are perfectionists though, but I never thought he’d take that perfection to this level.  I think he’s been studying genital position, fluid volumes, and trouser materials for weeks.

He told me earlier today that he plans to redeem himself before long. – Dr. Andro Gyny, psychologist

And redeem himself he did. While tailgating at Tuesday’s Calgary Stampeders’ football game, Mr. Ronner, loud, proud, and heavily intoxicated, stood on top of his Geo Metro, lifted his arms and screamed, “Lady and gerrmentalmen, get a load of this.” At this point he peed his pants again, but this time things were different, and much better according to Mr. Ronner.  A full and thorough soaking of his Brooks Brothers trousers had been accomplished.  Not a dry spot remained, a tribute to Ronner’s success.

Before and after photos of Mr. Ronner's pant-peeing sweep efficiency.
Before (L) and after photos of Mr. Ronner’s pant-peeing sweep efficiency. Note the effective flooding in the after picture.

The next day, he remarked that the porosity of the cotton blend pants that he was wearing was conducive to a uniform sweep. Instead of a zipper that acted as a high perm streak that caused the channeling in the first episode, the flood profile down his elastic-waistbanded sans-a-belts was uniform and more than acceptable for the budding engineer.