Engineers to help control Rumwhiskeystan’s overpopulation

HEFFERVEISEN, Rumwhiskeystan – Exponential population growth in the small eastern European country known as Rumwhiskeystan over the past decade is resulting in progressively worsening living conditions for all of its 3.4 million inhabitants. The human population in the land-locked nation, that shares a border with Fallbania, far exceeds the carrying capacity of the country’s diminutive habitable land area and residents are looking to the government for answers.

“This is getting out of control. Our poor little country cannot support this growth and this is causing inflation to sky rocket. I can’t remember the last time I had to spend 2.3 trillion Rakias for a loaf of bread.” – Derinka Bratislava, very concerned citizen.

In an effort to stem his country’s burgeoning population growth, General Slivovica, president of the fringe country that failed to make the cut to join the EU in 1993, has decided to implement a program designed specifically to reduce the country’s birth rate.

General
General Slivovica, president of Rumwhiskeystan

“After visiting North Americans Oil Exploration Summit in Houston last month, and spending much time speaking to many engineering people in this industry, I have decided to mandate that no fewer than 60% of boy and girl from my country, after finishing secondary school, will attend the Technical College of Rumwhiskeystan to study engineering disciplines. Engineering people have social incompetencies that will make it more difficult for people to be in love, and this means less… how do you say? Boom boom, and then less babies in my country.” – General Slivovica, speaking to 2P News via Skype

According to the General’s press secretary, the change has been implemented effective immediately. He continued by saying that the selection process will be much like a military draft, where those selected will be mandated by law to study engineering and failure to do so without just cause will be subject to punishment to the full extent of Rumwhiskeystan’s harsh laws.

Representatives from the International Committee for Human Rights strongly oppose the proposal, claiming that in contravenes Section 12(A) Paragraph 14 of the Human Rights Code of Conduct that states that, “Any person in any country has the right to choose what subject to study at a post-secondary institution of learning, except for in Germany, where engineering is a mandated from preschool.”

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“We all know that the vast majority of engineers struggle in most social environments, unless they have consumed inordinate amounts of beer, in which case they just act like idiots. But there is no hard scientific evidence that suggests increasing the population of engineers in a given country will mitigate population growth. Anecdotally, yes, there is clear evidence, but in order for us to support such a proposal, there must exist scientific data.” – Linda Soustrup, ICHR spokeswoman.

2P News will keep you posted with details on this groundbreaking proposal as they become available.

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A graduate of the school of hard knocks and drill pipe, Rodecker spent his youth chasing rigs & girls in every small town across western Canada. Always searching for the truth amidst the vast oceans of lies and innuendo, Rodecker brings a zen-like peace to the 2P News offices. With a degree in Sociology, a second degree in geology with a Master in geo-engineering, he is almost overqualified for his role at 2P. Almost.

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