CALGARY, Alberta – The City of Calgary and Calgary Transit proudly announced this morning a private C-train for the denizens of the new Mahogany Lake gated community and for oil executives living in estate homes and starter castles south of Calgary.
The project’s capital and operating costs, which will be entirely funded by increased property taxes and special tax assessments for those in the new luxury community, won unanimous support in last week’s City Council meeting.
The track will run across the bridge over the Mahogany Lake and stop behind a fortified security gate so that no riff-raff oil workers can stowaway and upset the delicate sensibilities of the privileged few.
The private carriages will feature leather recliner armchairs, curtains to keep prying eyes away, personal 50″ screens with the latest dropping oil prices, a fine selection of rare single-malt whiskies, finest champagnes -nothing less than Moet & Chandon Dom Perignon- and a breakfast menu that will typically carry items such as Eggs Benedict and Poached Salmon with Truffles. And for the evening return, the team of private world-class chefs will prepare a palate pleasing assortment including Waldorf Salad, Quiche Lorraine avec Petit Pois, Chateaubriand avec Aubergines or Beef Bourguignon Poutine finished with Crêpes Suzette Flambé and a selection of cheeses such as Camembert de Normandy, Pont l’Eveque, Munster, Epoisses and Limburger.
These will, of course, all be served on fine bone china and gold-plated cutlery with accompanying silk tablecloths, elegant finger bowls and monogrammed napkins.
We are tired of having to share the cattle train, sorry C-Train, with beer-sodden reeking engineers sloping back from an all-night bender. Who do these people think they are? We need this train because the kilometers on my exotics are starting to rack up, and I can get much more work done sitting in the lap of luxury, being served by TFWs that I can while behind the wheel of my 458 Italia. – says CEO Humphrey Dodsworth of Supreme Capital Energy Resources
In honour, the private train will be called the Alison Redford Express and this will be emblazoned in gold-plate along the side of the specially dampened and sprung luxury coaches.
Opponents to the idea argue that the City of Calgary has no place striking Private Public Partnerships with the very rich. Residents from all corners of the city plan to protest this plan at City Hall later this week. 2P News will be there live reporting back on developments as they become available.