Rare feces find confuses technician

Marcus Iberious, stock photo from his home in Nose Hill Park, Calgary.
Marcus Iberious, stock photo from his home in Nose Hill Park, Calgary.

Marcus Iberious, an environmental consultant with Save Green Ltd., has recently published a paper claiming the existence of Americus Gigantus (AG) in western Alberta near Grande Cache.  AG has historically been defined by fictional writings, extra-normal conspiracy theorists, and culturally defined as Bigfoot.  Not a typographical error, Bigfoot.  Marcus Iberious claims to have direct proof that a species of North American Yeti has taken up residency in an aging oil field in North Central Alberta.

Marcus started his research after a feces discovery was made on a well site locationjust outside of Grande Cache.  The feces was fund in a small pit just of location along a pipeline right of way, and by all accounts still fresh.  Confused, Marcus took a sample and passed it off to be analyze by staff at the Calgary Zoological Research Center.  Detailed analysis did not convince the staff at the CZRC, as all they could definitively do was rue out Canines and Ursus, but Marcus was convinced something else was at work here. He adamantly petitioned the government and industry to halt all development in the area until he could find the source of the deposit and identify what kind of large mammal was thriving here.

Poop.
Poop.

There is no other explanation for the discoveries.  I have no other evidence, but I don’t need any.  If they keep developing, we’ll never know because they will die out or leave and we will never find out for sure what is happening!

Opponents of the proposition from Cheaterson Energy and Bendovus are determining the legal strength of any evidence Marcus has to launch a protest, citing the number of “burly” hunters and weekend campers in the area at any given time, the unorthodox feces could simply be the result of a poor diet and a harsh weekend of partying with locals in the area.

One of many possibilities Cheaterson thinks is more likely.

This rural area of Alberta has a particular demographic.  High protein, high carbs (hops and barley), and not much in the way of other food groups.  For all intents and purposes, one of our operators ate a 20oz elk steak, drank a case of Molson and relived himself on that site.  NO surprise there.  Why Mr. Iberious is reaching for Bigfoot is beyond me.  said Tomas Fritchy, a representative from Cheaterson.

Bigfoot?
Bigfoot?

 

 

ERCB and Zoological judgements are pending review, but one mitigating factor of the discovery remains to be looked at closely in the opinion of Mr. Fritchy, the timing of the discovery.  M. Iberious discovered the feces on May 24th, on the Canadian May long weekend.

 

 

 

 

6 COMMENTS

  1. If you ever need shit analyzed, respond to my email. This guy is on to something! (kidding, you are stupid!)

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