RIYADH, Saudi Arabia – The Saudi Bureau of Investigation just this morning announced that it has foiled a plan that would have seen a group of US shale oil producers target and destroy a number of major oil reservoirs in Saudi Arabia. Three undercover operatives with the SBI’s International Oil Market Investigation Joint Task Force Committee (IOMIJTFC) released details of the plot during a press conference at the Al Marabba mall in Riyadh this morning.
“We have intercepted electronic communications indicating that the CEOs of 7 US-based senior intermediate oil companies had started to carry out one of the largest drilling operations known to mankind. Their plan was to take advantage of the same technology used by CNOOC to drill a well to a newly acquired satellite office in Calgary, Alberta, to drill a number of transcontinental deviated wells into the kingdom’s Ghawar oilfield. Text messages secured from the Palm Pilot owned by one of the CEO’s indicated that their plan was to then hydraulically fracture the wells all the way from America, and then from that point, there are many questions as to what those greedy Americans were going to do.” – Prince Abdulraheem Al-Abbasi Miller
According to sources close to the President of state-owned Saudi WillRamYou, the Kingdom’s largest oil producer, the company believes that the American producers would have likely attempted to pump cement into its reservoirs, invade them with incompatible waters, or even consider producing the oil as their own.
Prince Al-Abbasi Miller continues, “Whatever those silly low-brow, high-cost western producers had in their tiny inferior minds, I’m sure their goal was to force us to reduce our production in an effort to bolster oil prices.”
Charges are pending in the case as the SBI continues to investigate and gather evidence.
An article posted on the BOE Report, written by an anonymous author who claims to be privy to the conversations the shale oil CEOs had regarding this plan, mentioned that the he was not a big fan of the idea from the get go. He wrote,
“Drilling a well with ~15,000 km laterals is not something you undertake lightly, but the CEOs were just hell bent on sticking it to the Saudis without even thinking – their anger clouded their better judgment. I suggested that we instead send Donald Trump over there to politely discuss having them reduce their production over a cup of tea, but nope, they weren’t warm to that idea. But I suppose tripping a bit to replace the GABI tool while three quarters across the Atlantic Ocean is a good idea and money well spent.” – Anonymous engineer on the project