LONDON, England – Following on the heels of a plan in Calgary, Alberta, Royal Birch Shill has announced a sister policy will be implemented in its head offices in London starting in February, 2014.
A recent plan by the Mayor of Calgary, Alberta, (Naheed Nenshi), was to implement a dress code for office workers in the city’s core and eliminate judgement based on aesthetics and to avoid useless promotions based on style. Inspired by the idea, RB Shill executives have decided that the same style of policy could be applied to its headquarters in an effort to help define roles and responsibilities.
Good day, fine sir. Yes, yes. There are so many people here, I can’t decide who is who and what they do. It’s like I’m living in a zoo. What do we think we all could do? Make them wear a certain shoe! Cheerio. – Sir Richard Duckdoggle, HR VP for Shill, speaking from the Betty Ford Clinic
The initial phase of the planned rollout will require the 6 main PNG disciplines to wear attire befitting their profession, and anyone falling outside of those defined groups will be made to wear non-descriptive white smocks like orderlies in a futuristic thriller movie. The 6 main disciplines are being defined as follows, with the attached dress requirements.
1) Engineers – A suit, cut a bit to0 big for their frame so they can carry a larger calculator or laptop with them at all times. Colors will be grey, dull grey, and charcoal, with the option of changing between 2 bow ties, both paisley.
2) Geologists – Standard khaki trousers or shorts with the required orange shirt that doesn’t match. Knee high socks complete this outfit, as well as the traditional Tilley Hat. Hand lens accessory will be an option in the office, but mandatory in the field.
3) Geophysicists – Striped everything. No exceptions. patterned in a 3mm black stripe, 5mm apart for a true reflection effect as they waft around the office. Shoes will be striped as well, sock can be black or striped.
4) Accountants – Doesn’t matter, no one see them anyways.
5) Human Resources – Yellow flower patterned clothing and nice, frilly hats in warm colors. This will make them more approachable and hopefully more apt to reply yes when asked a question.
6) Land Staff – Black and red. The colors of war. Any decent combination of these 2 colors will be acceptable in most arrangements. Shill is hopeful it will instill fear in their competitors during meetings.
In a move to discourage staff from wanting to simply have long meetings and drink coffee, managers that have transcended their technical disciplines will be included in the 7th grouping, and are required to wear the white smock until such time they have been promoted back into a higher level of technicity.
Abbreviated roles as managers should entice people to stick with a technical focus and avoid complacency of middle management.