Shall Energy improves Oilsands flow processing systems

FORT MCMURRAY, Alberta – Despite all of the negative press the northern Alberta oilsands attract, there are always innovators working to make the region better in every way, shape, or form.  

Recently, a professional engineer with Shall Energy has designed a system that improve flow processing by over 800%.  Jared Macanovocalloy, a 14-year Rough Systems Engineer, has reworked all sewage flow processing for the camp residence systems in Fort McMurray and has full approval from Shall to implement the changes beginning in 2015 Q3.

Mr. Macanovocalloy has been a SME (Subject Matter Expert) with Shall for 3 years and has worked on many of the company’s technical teams.  Being a mechanical engineer alumni of the University of Hard Luck Saskatchewan, he has more than his share of experience with sewage systems.

Jared Macanovocalloy.  Coding.
Jared Macanovocalloy. Coding.

I have always wanted to make sewage systems better, and now I think I have.  I have addressed the key flaws in current camp sewage management and have drawn up solutions for all of them.  I have re-engineered the paper triplex pump systems, solved dual lump creeping issues, and have almost completely eliminated all solids dilution through compaction pistonation.  It was a lot of work, but I am very proud of it. – Jared Macanovocalloy

The work will be implement by an experienced crew of contractors from Chuck & Herbs Septic Management.  The work has been planned over a 2 month interval and will roughly cost $80 Million, of which Shall Energys partners in certain regions will help fund.  While the process will clean up the septic issues around the camps in Fort Mcmurray, members of the Green Community are hesitant to think it solves anything meaningful.

Ginger Lollipopsaintjude
Ginger Lollipopsaintjude

So they shit on the ground.  Big deal.  I can do that in my yard here in Calgary.  I want to see real change!  Like shut the whole operation down.  I beat a burning effigy of Harper to death last week at a rally.  You think I care about septic systems?  I want them to all burn.  I want everyone and everything to do with Big Oil to go down in flames and suffer.  That’s what I want.  Ginger Lollipopsaintjude, Green Peace, Calgary Chapter

Other opposition to the plan stems from workers in Fort McMurray who have no real idea there was a problem to deal with.  There may have been a few leaks here and there, but one resident welder sees no need to change anything.

Anonymous, hard at work on something in The Mac
Anonymous, hard at work on something in The Mac

I don’t know why they hired a SME to redo this plumbing.  Those guys cost about $250 an hour and all they do is bark orders at the rest of us while we try not to laugh.  SME.  Special Me Everyone.  That’s what we call them, cause that’s how they write sentences.  Whatever.  We’ll change all the sewers to prevent Lump Dilation and Urine Acidification Corrosion.  Whatever the hell that is. – Anonymous for fear of being fired