Study: Lunar warming further evidence that Sun causes global warming

CALGARY, Alberta – A follow-up to a recent study that attempted to prove that global warming is linked to the Sun, rather than to the burning of fossil fuels has just been released.

The same group of petroleum scientists that conducted the original survey (funded by a consortium of major oil and gas producers), believe that we need not look any further than the Earth’s moon to see further evidence that the Sun is to blame for the increase in the Earth’s average temperature. One of the study’s scientists, Dr. Henrik Fritzburger, who does not hold a Ph.D. in Lunarology, explains the theory:

telescope
Dr. Fritzburger, looking through a telescope

Our new evidence is positively irrefutable! The explanation is so darn simple, that it’s almost comical. You see… the temperature on the surface of the moon when the Sun is not shining on it is roughly -153C. But the temperature on the surface of our lunar friend while the Sun *is* shining on it is +107C. Do you see where I am going with this? Please stay with me.

 

So the Sun unquestionably causes the temperature on the moon to increase significantly, in a process that we have coined as Lunar Warming.

The study group maintains that if the Sun has that type of effect on the moon, then it must have the same effect on Earth by virtue of the Law of Cosines, and in this specific scenario, the side-angle-side case. They also claim that there are no humans on the moon, ergo, no large SUVs, so it is impossible for humans to be creating the +107C temperatures during its day time. The group prepared a graph which tracks the temperature of the moon through time, as a function of the night and day cycles with the Sun, and they show how the moon’s average temperature is extrapolated (in green) to increase for the foreseeable future.

crazy plot
Moon’s temperature versus time. Dr. Fritzburger would like to draw your attention to the harmonic component in the bottom right corner.

Opponents to this second study have made it very clear that the data and explanation reported is absolutely nonsensical; it is baseless, and the reasoning is illogical. The most vocal opponent, Al Gore, made a compelling argument against the study’s results at the Enviro Conference 2013, held in San Francisco, and he was super-duper pissed off:

gore
Al Gore, very pissed off about this study.

No, no, no, No, NO, NOOOO!!!! Can’t you people see that this is bullshit?! Don’t buy this crap. These guys have no idea what they are talking about. The temperature on the moon swings from +107C to -153C over the 27 days it takes to rotate on its axis because is has no eff’ing atmosphere! There is no layer to regulate the temperature. Lunar Warming my ass, those ass wipes. Just wait until I get my hands on those guys,… I’ll tell ya.

Mr. Gore’s speech shocked the crowd, who was in awe of the language and tone that he used. Al Gore later apologized for his harsh words and fire-breathing, and recinded everything he had to say, shortly after receiving a rather large, unmarked package from the President and CEO of Bexxon Trobile. According to reports, the package contained a rather long apology letter from the study’s authors. (Editor: apology letter my ass.)

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Dr. Darcy Flowman is a 2P News co-founder. Before transitioning into a career in news publishing, Dr. Flowman worked as a Reservoir Engineering technician working up reservoirs throughout the entire Western Canadian Sedimentary Basin. Darcy holds a B.Sc. in applied engineering physics, a M.Sc. in restorative arts, and a Ph.D. in overnight cemetery management.

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