CALGARY, Alberta – One of the biggest safety risks in the oil and gas industry is employees behind the wheel of a vehicle. There are more lost time incidents and accidents associated with travel than any other type of hazard. Winter is especially risky for the industry, as prime drilling season in Canada occurs when weather is at its worst. But the strong-willed Bendovus CEO, Dèng Xiǎopíng Dòngbīn, has determined that this inclement winter weather has to go and, in a grand gesture, has personally asked God to put an end to it.
I simply want him to cease and desist this inclement weather so we can improve and facilitate our operations. He has no good reason for the bad weather, it would appear that he is just being mean. Why do you make it snow with high winds? It’s just stupid.
So as the leader of the world market in oil and gas production, I will call him and insist he bring an end the snowing and cold immediately, or Bendovus will stop flaring its excess natural gas gift to heaven, and allow it to freeze over like so much hell in the old stories. – Dèng Xiǎopíng Dòngbīn
Although unsure of what personal connection or contact Bendovus’ fearless leader has, senior executives for other companies are curious to see what results he might be able to achieve and how they would affect his company’s bottom line. Frank Hasbeen from Surf Energy was reluctant to believe Dr. Dòngbīn has any real connection to God, but is willing to take any benefits that might swing his way if the weather turns warmer.
We like to make our staff as safe as possible – everyone does. But in the winter months it is just so hard to guarantee anything related to weather. If by some miracle he does get in touch with the Big Guy and get it to warm up down here, I’ll be grateful. If only Al Gore wasn’t full of shit, this Global Warming thing would have solved all of this already.
Religious activists are outraged over the man’s audacity, and are already lining up protests to take place outside of the Beau Tower. Although they recognize the power of Bendovus Energy and the strength it commands in most arenas, it surprises most that any company could simply tell God what to do.
It’s ridiculous. He’s out of his mind. Sure, they have more money than God. And they strike more fear into people than God. And sometimes they may even seem like God. But they can’t tell my Holy Father what to do. That is insanity. – Agatha Beroue, Christian Fellows of the Salty Mounds