EDMONTON, Alberta – Alberta’s Deputy Premier, Thomas Lukaszuk, was caught tipping seniors in a retirement home in Sherwood Park last night. He was not tipping them with money, but in a shocking twist, the decorated and well-respected politician was literally tipping them out of bed as they slept.
Reports and eye witness accounts indicate that Mr. Lukaszuk was also seen tipping them over as they mozied around the lobby and hallways of their senior living residences, as shown by the picture below:
In another report, eye witnesses put Mr. Lukaszuk at the scene of a man who was tipped back in his wheelchair in the parking lot of the same retirement living complex.
You know, officer, I have no idea what happened to this poor man, but I didn’t push him over – I can tell you that.
It is obvious from the fact that this gentleman still has a bottle of liquor to his lips, despite falling over backwards, that he is under the influence of alcohol, and that is what somehow caused him to fall over. I had nothing to do with this, and I am going to leave now. Thank you.
Ms. Barnfaggen, the seniors yoga coordinator at the Sixty Five and Kickin’ It! retirement home is furious with this recent development in the home that employs her. She goes on to say,
Similar pranks were played on farm animals in the 70’s, but this is abhorrent! I can’t believe a man of his stature would resort to any type of quibble with a senior, let alone this type of behavior. He needs a leash, because he is a bad, bad man.
Despite the mounting circumstantial evidence against Mr. Lukaszuk, there is no hard evidence connecting him with the 7 seniors that mysteriously fell out of bed, the melee in the lobby, and the parking lot wheelchair tip-over.
But within a few minutes after the most recent senior tipping incident, Mr. Lukaszuk was discovered lying on the pavement outside one of the emergency exits of the Sixty Five and Kickin’ It! residence with such bad stomach pains that he apparently could not move very far. He claims he was assaulted by a senior of the residence, but a nurse at the scene claims he was stifling with laughter and crying just a little.
He punched me in the guts, just like Al did, I don’t know why they all punch me (giggle), they need help (giggle), maybe they need to get out of bed and get some excerc…..(runs away snorting)
Whether Mr. Lukaszuk was attacked by a senior, or whether he was laughing hysterically after watching 96 year old Betty Sundarton grasp for her walker on the way out of her Comfy-Cozy posterpedic remains to be determined. But in the meantime, the RCMP has launched an investigation in these recent events, however they claim that the case may be tainted from the get-go considering that no one, not even the RCMP, likes Thomas Lukaszuk very much.