CALGARY, Alberta – 3 men were the centre of a public spectacle today on Stephen Avenue. The men, all engineers attending a corporate Stampede lunch, built a makeshift trebuchet out of bar stools, extension cords and duct tape. While the construction phase of the prank drew a small crowd to the patio near 4th St, the launching of the first sausage is what brought Calgary Police to the scene.
We arrived after the 4th or 5th launch, and I’ll admit is was hard to keep a straight face watching that greasy dog slide down the side of Bankers Halls windows. But the suspects were intensely intoxicated, and needed to be removed from public space before they got into real trouble.
We have assurances from their CEO that this behaviour will be dealt with in-house at a later date. Not sure how that’s gonna work, as one of them was the VP of Canadian Operations. – Officer Dalt Romeo, CPS
The men were acting on a dare from a geologist coworker. Apparently, their prowess as engineers was called into question as nothing they really do at the office has much to do with engineering anything. At all. Ever.
The geologist, Rolimou Edfartuio, was a few libations into the party as well when he challenged them to build a simple, medieval trebuchet. The men accepted the challenge, and succeeded in building a decent mockup of the ancient war machine.
I was serving these guys and they were really pissed when that granola guy in the Tilley hat got after them for not being real engineers. He was really rude, always saying how guessing at the pee numbers was something I could do. I don’t know what a pee number is, but I usually say number 1. – Gracy Kissbalogny, server at Jugs & Tales Brewery and Bookshop.
Once completed, another witness claims the men couldn’t resist trying the machine to check its functionality, and launched the first cheddar smokey at the building across the street. It hit a window nearly 40 feet up, and from that point, everything spiralled out of control.
The trio launched a pizza, a basket of fries, a jar of salsa, and even managed to get a good sized plate of nachos off before police arrived.
With little to no permanent damage to any building or bystanders, the men are likely going to be released once sober, and let off with a stern warning about the dangers of engineering in public. Police have also issued a public statement condemning the use of medieval weaponry to launch food during public events, stating that no further occurrences will be tolerated.