Vitamin delivery mixup causes chaos in oilsands work camp

FORT McMURRAY, Alberta – The associated press has reported that a pharmaceutical delivery mixup has lead to significant operational headaches and a complete loss of productivity at a Bendovus Energy 300-man camp located 3km NW of Fort McMurray.

According to a statement released by Bendovus Energy, a delivery man for Oxford Drugs delivered 7 cases of generic Sildenafil citrate pills (brand name Viagra) to the oilsands camp instead of chewable multivitamins.

The contents of the clearly marked boxes where then distributed by camp hospitality staff to the kitchens for daily consumption, and it didn’t take very long before things went north.

Eye witnesses reported that a number of workers on the camp became increasingly fidgety and frustrated as they went along their normal day-t0-day activities.

“I’ve never seen anything like this… tent poles to the left, meat wrenches to the right, guys were crackin’ fatties everywhere I looked. You’d think they would at least do the ‘ol flip-n-tuck, but noooooo, it was chubby central!” – Poon Ho, camp cafeteria director.

Some of the camp workers were reported to only partake in tasks that required that they bend over at the waist, or work that required carrying something in front of them.

CCSU New Academic Building CT-DPW #BI-RC-324 Progress Photo, Seventh Submission | Date of Photograph: 19 March 2012
Workers who would only do stuff that required that they bend over, in an effort to hide their erections.

Billy Blueblocker, a derrick hand with Precise Drillworx , had a very, very hard time sleeping:

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Billy Blueblocker, contractor who experienced unsually long erections through the day.

“Yeah, I’m not sure what’s going on here. Since the top of this week, I’ve been having these stiffys that just don’t quit. I normally get them through the day, but they never last 4 or 5 hours, so I think something’s going on.

And rumour has it that a buddy snapped a photo of me while I was asleep the other night, with a massive boner, and apparently, the photo has made its way into the hands of the guys who run that Proven and Probably website. Sheesh.” – Billy Blueblocker, oil sands labourer

This situation escalated to the point that camp medical staff declared a camp-wide orange alert due to the fact that some of the erections were lasting longer than 6 hours – a condition called hyperbonerosis which can be very harmful if left untreated.

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Dr. Irene Knutter, director of camp medical services

“We first tried treating hyperbonerosis by performing minor procedures to relieve the pressure in some of the workers’ penises before the reduced blood to the brain would cause temporary cognitive Defficiencies.

And when that technique failed, we hired a hypnotherapist to put the men in a trance, and had them imagine a sensual scene involving Alberta Premier Notley, and former Premiers Redford, Wynne, and Pauline Marios. The latter technique has had a 103.4% success rate.” – Dr. Irene Knutter

On the positive side of the mixup, which went on for 3 weeks before the medical staff was able to determine the source of the problem, there are reports that the Viagra prevented some of the older men from rolling out of their beds, thereby improving the company’s safety metrics.

And a few groups of workers were able to forge new bonds with select campmates as they roll-played in their protective equipment, as shown below.

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The RCMP is currently investigating the Oxford Drugs’ delivery man to see if there was any deliberate wrongdoing that lead to the hard times at the camp.

5 COMMENTS

  1. Normally I do not find out post on blogs and forums, however wish to say that that write-up extremely pushed my family to carry out and so! Your current way with words has become pleasantly surprised myself. Thanks a lot, pretty fantastic write-up.

  2. re article – Viagra Pills delivered in error to a rig camp in Sacksasoon the Dominians of Canada – Hooray !!!

    well unfortunately it was mostly bromide delivered to camp/rig in my days spent on various locations around the world & these Viagra deliveries should be encouraged except on sites where elderly well site geologists are set upon by rabid MWD personal – as the consequences could be dire.

    see related article in your esteemed journal.

    however in my day after a long hitch on an offshore platform in South East Asia as a MWD dude the kindly Asian mud logging Team Leader on hearing that I was finally departing the platform by chopper ( this reminded him what ceremony had to be performed) prepared one of their local cups of tea – a fine elixier that quickly improved blood flow to the nether regions.

    The purpose of this was to not let the side down in my performance in the flesh pots of Asia on reaching shore.

    Holy Moses it worked a treat and your junior engineer depicted in the article shows a mere pimple to the EL KAPERTAIN that stretched my work overalls too burst point.

    Unfortunately the chopper/helicopter was cancelled and a mini drama soon occurred involving MWD operations that required an urgent meeting with the company rep. By this time I was nearly incapacitated by El Kapertain pressing against the industrial sized brass zipper of my work clothes – a strangely pleasant sensation.

    Realising that I could not bend over like your staff photographed on the Viagra Camp-V for Victory I grabbed the largest clip board with impressive technical documents attached and held it at an oblique angle in front of me during the course of the meeting to hide the Battle of the Bulge.

    Fortunately the chopper arrived in the next few hours and I was able to egress from the platform with dignity but it was necessary for me to use the clip board for cover over the next 48 hours onshore until my normal flaccid posture returned.

    Arriving on shore in a teeming Asian city of over 5 million I recommend that you pretend to be doing market research to explain the continued presence of a clipboard in front of you held with a raffish smile.

    best wishes in your future endeavours

    john – “double barrelled”

    ps

    I will post overseas incidents as relevant to reinforce the “Lessons Learned Philosophy” to which I can see you aspire to.

    • @jeremy “double barelled” hackingham hewer: I don’t know what to say, because I don’t fully understand your post. But in some very strange way, reading it is very enlightening. Thanks for the post.