Woman claims neighbourhood trees are offensive

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Some fo the trees recently planted near Mrs. Skitzenfraff’s home.

CALGARY, Alberta – Wanda Skitzenfraff has a bone to pick with Canreati Developments in a NE suburb of Calgary.  She claims the trees in the green spaces are phallic, and she is petitioning to have them removed.

“All these trees just make me think Penis! Penis! Penis!, and I can’t live like that.  I want them gone!  All of them gone!”

The issue arose when developers fulfilled a commitment to create large green spaces and park areas in the new neighborhood.  Some were old growth and left for historical reasons, but there were over 300 new trees planted to infill the area and create a more natural feel to the development.  Mike Daqu from Canreati has this to say:

 

“We are following the contracts we signed with the City of Calgary and the homeowners here in Flanengrad Mews.  I hope it ends well, but we can’t just start cutting down all the trees because one individual has a complex mental complex.  Whats next?  Streetlights and Barber Poles?”

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Mrs. Skitzenfraff’s petition also calls for the removal of rocks and landscape boulders from certain parks, along with turf grass in island of 4 of the developments culdesacs citing an obvious sexual connotation not suitable for children to be exposed to.  The City of Calgary remains on the sidelines of this issue and will not comment, although belly laughs could be heard through the doors of Council Chambers at the time of our inquiry.

 

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